It's finally NOT rocket science!

Hello everyone,

I know it's been a while since I blogged. The truth... I have been out of control! I have been eating everything from birthday cake, which is when it started (my bday was 2/11), to McDonald's (sorry Kamesha), to donuts and ice cream, to cookies and chocolate. Putting it in writing seems so bad but so freeing at the same time. At the beginning of this I promised to be raw. This is me - this is why I got this way in the first place. Last weekend I was at my Dad's house and we were having a pretty deep conversation as many of ours are and he says to me, "do you think you are addicted to food?" And I say, "yes."

Why else would I be 33 or am I 34, I'm actually at the point when I've stopped counting which only means one thing: I'm getting older! Oh right I forgot I was saying why else would I be 33, 5'3" and two hundred fourty some odd pounds? Ok so my scale requires a 9volt battery and I haven't "remembered" to buy one!!! Yeah if you believe that you haven't been reading this blog for long! :-) Yeah me and the scale are tight!

Ok so this question, of course, caused me to think back and say but why is it an addiction? What's behind the habit? Is it that I literally can't control myself? Is it a physical longing... pain? Is it simply, or rather the least simple thing, mental? And then my Dad asked me in his most fatherly way, "do you know what addiction is?" And I immediately got defensive. Of course I know what addiction is... do I really have to answer that? Dad, you're talking to me like I'm three instead of 33 (or 34). Oh my I just did the math... I'm 34. So we cleared that up - nothing much has changed in the past 30 seconds! Right back to addiction. I think I answered it's really a loss of control or a need to fill a void with something other than what's really eating at you - no pun intended.

So let's check Wikipedia just for shits and giggles... and survey says....

The meaning of the word addiction in the English lexicon varies according to context. A positive addiction is a beneficial habit--where the benefits outweigh the costs. A negative addiction is a detrimental habit—where the benefits are not worth the negative financial, physical, spiritual and mental costs.

Hmmm I think that fits the bill because in the end I think I learned the behavior of using food as a source or tool to satiate other human needs than pure energy (oh shit my husband just threw me a 9volt battery - no lie - he forgot bread at the grocery store but remembered the damn 9volt battery!) So really all we need food for is nourishment - energy. So of course my inclination to use food for comfort, celebration, recreation, in sad times and in great times, in sickness and in health... get the picture I was freakin married to food far longer than I was married to my husband... this has been habit for me all my life. Part of it cultural, part of it learned behavior, part of it a body hunger that only detox could fix. Hell yeah it's an addiction.

I've known for a very long time that I've had the addiction. Circle back around to why I started this blog... the best way to conquer a bad behavior or habit is to develop a positive one. I find comfort in writing. I celebrate when my writing has touched another person or when I've put in writing exactly what's in my heart.

So in the true spirit of "Flipped the Switch," despite my February downward spiral, I'm going to focus on the positive! I asked my family for one of two things for my birthday - one the Body Bugg, a sort of pedometer/heart monitor on crack, or two money to continue TNT. Well the money situation has gotten significantly better so I'm able to continue TNT and my awesome family got me the Body Bugg! I think I started this journey at 261 in October. I weighed in for the start of Body Bugg at 243, having lost 18 pounds on my own. So now the pedometer/heart monitor on crack is tracking every single calorie burned. Did you know that you burn approximately 4 calories when you pee and 6 calories when you laugh so hard your tummy hurts? It's true! This is the missing link I tell you. The Body Bugg has unlocked the key to my weight loss. Body Bugg includes a food log as part of the program so now I can see how many calories I consume versus how many I burn. If I burn more than I consume I lose weight. If I consume more than I burn I gain. If it equals out I maintain my weight. PERIOD. This has changed my world. The one thing that has been so hard for me to conquer is not as simple as 1, 2, 3! It is finally NOT rocket science!

I've also started running. I'm training for my first 5K in April - the GW Parkway Classic to benefit Boys & Girls Clubs (www.active.com if you want to join me). A 5K is what 3.5 miles? I don't even know but I know it's a hell of a lot shorter than the Breast Cancer 3-day 60-miler!!! I figure if I can walk 40-something of the 60 (remember I had a sprained ankle) then I can jog 3.5 right!?! Well I'm working on it. My biggest challenge in jogging is feet, ankle, calf and knee pain because my bones are not meant to cary around 243 pounds! But as runners I know describe there is a high and a point when you simply talk and jog your way through the pain and then it goes away. ENDURANCE is the name of the game and I'm not doing too bad!