That's Life

Happy New Year!

Well I didn't hit my goal of 241 but I did get to 243! I almost forgot that I had even set a goal until a friend and follower of my blog reminded me! Over the holidays... having NOT followed my own rules and "tips"... having only worked out twice... Ok so I'm not condoning my behavior but I did lose 5 pounds! How? The only thing I can think of is portion control and the muscles I'm breeding happen to be helping out!

But tonight there's something else on my mind.... Stress! So I'm not sure what's going on with my contract job - the one in which the contract is up in say MARCH. I'm up for a manager position, however, I have no idea if I'm going to get it. So do I torture myself with the excruciating pain of the job search or just believe that I will get the job? OR should I stop to consider, as Michael Baisden said today, "are you living your dream?"

No not really. But what is my dream? I don't know anymore. I want to have a really cool job, I want to own my own biz, I want to write a book, I want to be a great mom who spends tons of q-time with her kids, I want to travel, I want to write about travelling, I want to save and spend money, I want to buy a beach house, I want to run really fast and really far, we all know I want to be skinny, I want to .........aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I have no idea but I know I want to do a lot of shit but none of that fits into one dream. Am I supposed to have one concise, accessible dream? If I don't have one dream how am I supposed to work towards it? Hmmm see this is only stressful because I didn't win the lottery yesterday.

I'm stressed about my job. I wonder everyday when I fall asleep on my way to work why I'm driving all this way for a coordinator position that pays a considerable amount less than my previous positions. Dave is driving two hours for a job he loves at least - he's following his dream to build buildings. Ah the beauty in the simplicity of that. So why is my dream, or dreams rather so complicated? And why do I feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel running in place without money? After all, don't they say follow your dream and the money will come?

To add to the stress of figuring out what I want to do with my life, this year of unemployment is finally catching up with us financially and man when you're down it is HARD to get back up. I'm using a lot of energy keeping my spirits up, staying true to my faith and believing everything will be alright. So how do you follow your dreams, losing weight or otherwise, when you're worried about the bills or giving your son everything he needs or just finding the money to eat healthy, maintain a gym membership and other things that are necessary in this journey that I'm on? I don't know the answer but I know I just joined Sport & Health giving me access to all of the clubs eliminating the commute challenge and the childcare challenge because many of the clubs have kids clubs. And as of late, I've come to the conclusion that I need to find the extra money to continue TNT.

Last night I did TNT at 6:15pm followed by spin at 7pm. I only got to see my son for about 15 minutes yesterday but I got in the workout I needed to get me back on track. Man if I had all the tools at this point I truly believe the pounds would shed off. But I'm doing what I can and the pounds are coming off slowly but surely. And you know what? That's ok. So I guess in this outpouring of feelings my uplifting spirit, my unwavering faith and my belief that everything really is going to be ok, shine through.

The saying, "that's life," is taking on a whole new meaning to me right about now! Please share your thoughts and feelings. It's nice to know I'm not alone!

Nik