Hello everyone,
Thanks again for the comments. I love reading them especially when you include tips and yummy food ideas. So here's my comments to the comments!
Jill: LOVE the lettuce wraps in fact we're having taco night tonight and instead of the taco large pieces of romaine will serve as the "taco" and of course we use ground turkey. Like the CSA concept but thinking I'm going to stick to the shop in person thing - kind of like the hunt! :-)
Leah: So true about the kids being malnourished. So sad but never too late I guess. I reached out to the dietician here at Discovery to learn more and to see if I'm actually malnourished.
Bobette: So happy Mark was able to get it in the family newsletter. I have to check it out - I haven't seen the latest issue yet. We have an HMart here in VA too and I completely forgot how affordable their fish and meat are. They have a yummy Korean cafe for a cheap lunch before or after shopping and their produce is super cheap too but I find that it goes bad really fast so I have to plan carefully.
Stay tuned everyone... I'm brewing a vacation edition as I just got back and I'll fill you all in about the dietician - I think I will like her - she has her own blog and by the name I love her already.... BitchinDietician.com! OH and let me not forget. There's a book review coming too - I'm flippin pretty fast through the pages of Women, Food & God. Anyone want to read too and have a Book Club-y chat about it!?!
AND one last thing... upcoming events include:
- Bubba's Belly Run 5K on 9/26
Register at http://www.bubbasbellyrun.com/
- This October in DC (run out and cheer the walkers on and provide healthy snacks, water and gatorade)The Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for a Cure for Breast Cancer (the event that started this journey for me) I'm not doing it this year but here's a survivor to support!!!! She supported our team efforts last year:
http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2010/WashingtonDCEvent2010?px=5212912&pg=personal&fr_id=1474
- My first 1/2 MARATHON 10/16
Thanks for reading everyone! :-)
Nik
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Nothing but heart to back me up!
This is one of those posts that's been brewing for months. Realized that in the rantings to come I have nothing but heart to back me up and a few little tidbits from the news and articles along the way but that's not going to stop the rant.
So we hear about this growing issue of obesity in America. Fat is killing us at younger and younger ages every year. And it seems to be a hot topic in the news from time to time kind of like "going green" is the new in thing. But I recently (like today) read a brief article in the AU Alumni magazine about a program that students from the College of Arts and Sciences started at a local middle school. In the first paragraph, I quote...
"...the sixth graders at Kelly Miller Middle School in Washington, DC's Ward 7 told a story familiar to those who study children living in poverty: poor breakfasts, locked-down schools with recess reduced to an indoor break, grocery stores that are 'always empty, with no strawberries or bananas."
The article goes on to say that when they started the Community Voices for Health: Kids Take Action project, most of the kids at the schools didn't know anything was wrong. The article features letters from the kids to President Obama and Nancy Pelosi, pleading for help.
One child says, "I am writing you to persuade you to help us out with our nutrition problems we have at Kelly Miller MS. We have pizzas, cheeseburgers, hamburgers and chicken patties like every day. We have kids suffering from obesity. We would be more than honored to have grown food from a garden at our school. Would you help us?"
That young girl is 11 or 12! One of the foundational beliefs of the late great Martin Luther King, Jr. was that problems we face in our country are not always racist at the core but rather economical. Poverty is the core of this issue - I guess it just so happens in most areas that minorities seem to be the majority living in poverty. Here's a true story that completely pissed me off. As many of you know, money has been an issue for us as of late. We're trying to rebuild our cash/savings, the only thing that will set you free according to my dad. In an effort to start saving money on our food bills, I decided to shop at Shopper's Food Warehouse, a chain notorious for lower prices than some of my favorite grocery stores.
Shopper's is also frequented by families of lower income. I saw something I've never seen before. They actually cleared out an entire cooler in the produce section and filled it with paper goods, candy and other sugary items! I struggled to find the produce that was on my list and surely didn't find the organic items I typically buy like peppers, tomatoes, etc.
Next I went to the meat section. There I was about to pick up some ground turkey - a staple in our household. I actually saw meat on the shelf that was turning GREEN! Many of the other items I looked at like fish and chicken breasts were either previously frozen or frozen - not fresh. It just got worse from there. Many items that I buy low or no fat versions of didn't exist. Organic brown eggs - nope not there. Low fat shredded cheese was 2/3 higher in cost than the regular shredded cheese. Sugar free pudding cups - not there. Generally I would have been personally put out like how inconvenient for me because now I have to go to another store to get the items on my list but not this time....
I was PISSED. I was angry that families of lower incomes didn't even have the option to make healthier choices. That's why this is an issue of economics. Let's go to the extreme. Let's go to the mecca of healthy food - Whole Foods. Let's get real - there is a reason its nickname is Whole Paycheck! If you fill up a cart there you are literally signing over an average paycheck of someone working and making an honest living here in this country. I spend a lot of time in West Baltimore, a relatively low income area of the city. The grocery stores there are experts in frozen foods, quick pick-up meals, pre-packaged snacks, sodas, cakes and cookies. But I will say this, you can still talk to a real butcher in Baltimore. Items that are super foods and just happen to be common items on a soul food menu, like collard greens, kale and sweet potatoes are plentiful. You can also go to a real fish market and drive by many street vendors pushing their fresh from the farm wares. So why is obesity a growing problem in these areas. Education perhaps? And my friends, education is tied to what? Economics.
Ever since my Shopper's experience I've been resourceful in finding the healthy products I need at affordable prices and let me tell you my frontrunners:
Trader Joe's
See no where else in the DC Metro Area can I fill up my cart with most of the items on my produce list, wild caught smoked Alaskan salmon, some of my favorite Trader Joe treats like honey sesame sticks and their all natural breaded chicken fingers (my son's fave) and 8 bottles of wine (ok the wine is probably a blog topic all of its own but anyway) for under $80! Check out a location near you! http://www.traderjoes.com/stores/index.asp
Wal-Mart
Yes believe it or not Wal-Mart is excellent for my shopping list! There's a lot of junk in those food aisles don't get me wrong. But when you spend some time and search, there are a lot of great items that are $1 to $4 less than they are at the Safeway's and even Giant's of the world. For instance, last week I filled up my cart with three boxes of different kinds of Cheerios, a couple of boxes of my favorite 100 Calorie Packs, two boxes of Fiber One granola bars, two packs of Atkins Shakes, three boxes of Atkins bars, cheese slices, strawberry perserves, whole wheat bread, brown rice lasagna and macaroni pasta and two DVDs for my son for just over $100. AND guess what else? My hats off to Wal-Mart because for the first time ever I noticed they set up a FRESH PRODUCE SECTION that was nearly empty on a Saturday afternoon. I also found an entire gluten free section. I'm so proud of Wal-Mart because it has the corporate muscle and is truly setting a great example for discount stores everywhere to be more responsible in terms of the healthy options available to its target demographic: lower income families. It truly is living by its marketing mantra: LIVE BETTER FOR LESS!
Giant
Simply because Giant has a great produce selection. It's organic brand, Nature's Promise, can be trusted for fantastic organic options at affordable prices. They have an informative and easy to use Living Well section on their web site http://www.giantfood.com/living_well/index.htm and they take anyone's coupons including Safeway and have several double coupon days. The service couldn't be any better and many of them have Starbuck's because isn't grocery shopping so much more enjoyable with a Light Mocha Frappacino!?!
Those are my top three but I have to give shout outs to Harris Teeter for a truly enjoyable shopping experience for me and the kids (balloons, lots of samples, great "car" carts) and then they do this whole really cool thing in the produce section - interested in decreasing your environmental foot print? Harris Teeter clearly labels items from local growers. I frequently choose items from local growers and have been happy every time. HT also has great healthy options and a wide variety of fantastic HT branded items. Their fish section is the best next to Whole Paycheck I mean Whole Foods!
And I must give a HUGE SHOUT OUT to Montgomery County, MD! Did you know that MoCo now requires all restaurants (of a certain national size - mostly chains) to outwardly POST calorie counts for items on the menu. OMG this is the best thing since sliced bread really!!!! I've been counting calories for quite a while now so I'm kind of like a calorie count dictionary of all the food joints around my office in MoCo but man its truly funny to go into Starbucks and see Apple Fritters still there by the end of the day while in VA they're all gone by 9am!!! AND to go into Potbelly and see that they have now paired down their monstrous 500+ calorie dream oatmeal, chocolate chunk cookies to a two-pack of mini cookies because the sticker on that pack says "UNDER 200 CALORIES!" Someone in MoCo figured out that fat is killing us. CAN NOT WAIT for this to spread. I've literally witnessed people change their minds in line when they compare calories - see it's hard for smart people to justify an entire day's worth of calories in the Cookie Ice Cream sandwich at PotBelly - no seriously it's over 1300 calories!!! When for a person who is not obese is generally on a 1200 calorie a day recommended diet!!! Yeah - pick the TKY, baked chips, a diet coke and MAYBE the mini cookies to split with someone! LOL
Funny story - one of my work BFFs is someone who is tall and in my opinion has a body that defines body envy - she signed onto Lance Armstrong's new LIVE STRONG program - found out that she has a calorie budget of 1278 per day - the first day she realized her breakfast took up 2/3 the daily budget. I think she's still grumpy about it!!! LOL
So some people don't know. Some people don't care. Some people might care if they know. Some people think they can't afford to live a healthy lifestyle. Some people, like little people, like the kids at that local middle school, aren't given the tools they need whether that's education, gardens at their schools and at their homes, more farmer's markets, just a damn banana in their local store's produce section... so what are we going to do? Hats off to the AU program! I think I will make it a point to focus my volunteer hours on helping kids and families learn about healthy living and show them how to find the resources. You know like teach them how to fish not just lead them to the water or give them the fish.
Where there is passion and where there is heart there is a way! Food for thought on a Saturday.
Love,
Nik
So we hear about this growing issue of obesity in America. Fat is killing us at younger and younger ages every year. And it seems to be a hot topic in the news from time to time kind of like "going green" is the new in thing. But I recently (like today) read a brief article in the AU Alumni magazine about a program that students from the College of Arts and Sciences started at a local middle school. In the first paragraph, I quote...
"...the sixth graders at Kelly Miller Middle School in Washington, DC's Ward 7 told a story familiar to those who study children living in poverty: poor breakfasts, locked-down schools with recess reduced to an indoor break, grocery stores that are 'always empty, with no strawberries or bananas."
The article goes on to say that when they started the Community Voices for Health: Kids Take Action project, most of the kids at the schools didn't know anything was wrong. The article features letters from the kids to President Obama and Nancy Pelosi, pleading for help.
One child says, "I am writing you to persuade you to help us out with our nutrition problems we have at Kelly Miller MS. We have pizzas, cheeseburgers, hamburgers and chicken patties like every day. We have kids suffering from obesity. We would be more than honored to have grown food from a garden at our school. Would you help us?"
That young girl is 11 or 12! One of the foundational beliefs of the late great Martin Luther King, Jr. was that problems we face in our country are not always racist at the core but rather economical. Poverty is the core of this issue - I guess it just so happens in most areas that minorities seem to be the majority living in poverty. Here's a true story that completely pissed me off. As many of you know, money has been an issue for us as of late. We're trying to rebuild our cash/savings, the only thing that will set you free according to my dad. In an effort to start saving money on our food bills, I decided to shop at Shopper's Food Warehouse, a chain notorious for lower prices than some of my favorite grocery stores.
Shopper's is also frequented by families of lower income. I saw something I've never seen before. They actually cleared out an entire cooler in the produce section and filled it with paper goods, candy and other sugary items! I struggled to find the produce that was on my list and surely didn't find the organic items I typically buy like peppers, tomatoes, etc.
Next I went to the meat section. There I was about to pick up some ground turkey - a staple in our household. I actually saw meat on the shelf that was turning GREEN! Many of the other items I looked at like fish and chicken breasts were either previously frozen or frozen - not fresh. It just got worse from there. Many items that I buy low or no fat versions of didn't exist. Organic brown eggs - nope not there. Low fat shredded cheese was 2/3 higher in cost than the regular shredded cheese. Sugar free pudding cups - not there. Generally I would have been personally put out like how inconvenient for me because now I have to go to another store to get the items on my list but not this time....
I was PISSED. I was angry that families of lower incomes didn't even have the option to make healthier choices. That's why this is an issue of economics. Let's go to the extreme. Let's go to the mecca of healthy food - Whole Foods. Let's get real - there is a reason its nickname is Whole Paycheck! If you fill up a cart there you are literally signing over an average paycheck of someone working and making an honest living here in this country. I spend a lot of time in West Baltimore, a relatively low income area of the city. The grocery stores there are experts in frozen foods, quick pick-up meals, pre-packaged snacks, sodas, cakes and cookies. But I will say this, you can still talk to a real butcher in Baltimore. Items that are super foods and just happen to be common items on a soul food menu, like collard greens, kale and sweet potatoes are plentiful. You can also go to a real fish market and drive by many street vendors pushing their fresh from the farm wares. So why is obesity a growing problem in these areas. Education perhaps? And my friends, education is tied to what? Economics.
Ever since my Shopper's experience I've been resourceful in finding the healthy products I need at affordable prices and let me tell you my frontrunners:
Trader Joe's
See no where else in the DC Metro Area can I fill up my cart with most of the items on my produce list, wild caught smoked Alaskan salmon, some of my favorite Trader Joe treats like honey sesame sticks and their all natural breaded chicken fingers (my son's fave) and 8 bottles of wine (ok the wine is probably a blog topic all of its own but anyway) for under $80! Check out a location near you! http://www.traderjoes.com/stores/index.asp
Wal-Mart
Yes believe it or not Wal-Mart is excellent for my shopping list! There's a lot of junk in those food aisles don't get me wrong. But when you spend some time and search, there are a lot of great items that are $1 to $4 less than they are at the Safeway's and even Giant's of the world. For instance, last week I filled up my cart with three boxes of different kinds of Cheerios, a couple of boxes of my favorite 100 Calorie Packs, two boxes of Fiber One granola bars, two packs of Atkins Shakes, three boxes of Atkins bars, cheese slices, strawberry perserves, whole wheat bread, brown rice lasagna and macaroni pasta and two DVDs for my son for just over $100. AND guess what else? My hats off to Wal-Mart because for the first time ever I noticed they set up a FRESH PRODUCE SECTION that was nearly empty on a Saturday afternoon. I also found an entire gluten free section. I'm so proud of Wal-Mart because it has the corporate muscle and is truly setting a great example for discount stores everywhere to be more responsible in terms of the healthy options available to its target demographic: lower income families. It truly is living by its marketing mantra: LIVE BETTER FOR LESS!
Giant
Simply because Giant has a great produce selection. It's organic brand, Nature's Promise, can be trusted for fantastic organic options at affordable prices. They have an informative and easy to use Living Well section on their web site http://www.giantfood.com/living_well/index.htm and they take anyone's coupons including Safeway and have several double coupon days. The service couldn't be any better and many of them have Starbuck's because isn't grocery shopping so much more enjoyable with a Light Mocha Frappacino!?!
Those are my top three but I have to give shout outs to Harris Teeter for a truly enjoyable shopping experience for me and the kids (balloons, lots of samples, great "car" carts) and then they do this whole really cool thing in the produce section - interested in decreasing your environmental foot print? Harris Teeter clearly labels items from local growers. I frequently choose items from local growers and have been happy every time. HT also has great healthy options and a wide variety of fantastic HT branded items. Their fish section is the best next to Whole Paycheck I mean Whole Foods!
And I must give a HUGE SHOUT OUT to Montgomery County, MD! Did you know that MoCo now requires all restaurants (of a certain national size - mostly chains) to outwardly POST calorie counts for items on the menu. OMG this is the best thing since sliced bread really!!!! I've been counting calories for quite a while now so I'm kind of like a calorie count dictionary of all the food joints around my office in MoCo but man its truly funny to go into Starbucks and see Apple Fritters still there by the end of the day while in VA they're all gone by 9am!!! AND to go into Potbelly and see that they have now paired down their monstrous 500+ calorie dream oatmeal, chocolate chunk cookies to a two-pack of mini cookies because the sticker on that pack says "UNDER 200 CALORIES!" Someone in MoCo figured out that fat is killing us. CAN NOT WAIT for this to spread. I've literally witnessed people change their minds in line when they compare calories - see it's hard for smart people to justify an entire day's worth of calories in the Cookie Ice Cream sandwich at PotBelly - no seriously it's over 1300 calories!!! When for a person who is not obese is generally on a 1200 calorie a day recommended diet!!! Yeah - pick the TKY, baked chips, a diet coke and MAYBE the mini cookies to split with someone! LOL
Funny story - one of my work BFFs is someone who is tall and in my opinion has a body that defines body envy - she signed onto Lance Armstrong's new LIVE STRONG program - found out that she has a calorie budget of 1278 per day - the first day she realized her breakfast took up 2/3 the daily budget. I think she's still grumpy about it!!! LOL
So some people don't know. Some people don't care. Some people might care if they know. Some people think they can't afford to live a healthy lifestyle. Some people, like little people, like the kids at that local middle school, aren't given the tools they need whether that's education, gardens at their schools and at their homes, more farmer's markets, just a damn banana in their local store's produce section... so what are we going to do? Hats off to the AU program! I think I will make it a point to focus my volunteer hours on helping kids and families learn about healthy living and show them how to find the resources. You know like teach them how to fish not just lead them to the water or give them the fish.
Where there is passion and where there is heart there is a way! Food for thought on a Saturday.
Love,
Nik
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I am happy to report that I did it again! Yesterday was not as stellar as the day before but it was still good. I went for a run last night instead of TNT because of work and traffic but I can't tell you how many times I contemplated driving home to see my son and husband and devise some sort of home workout. I knew though that I wouldn't burn nearly enough calories at home so I drove to the gym - there were no classes, I looked at the cardio machines and was like nope not feelin it... so I took my iPod, walked right out the front door of the gym and started running! AND btw on the list of things not to try at home... going for a run without a cell phone, by yourself, when no one knows where you are. I won't do that again. When I got back to the gym I stretched myself out and still made it home in time for Story Time.
Starting Weight (7/21): 238.4 (down 3.2!!!)
Calories Consumed (7/20): 2244 (lunch killed me - soft tacos instead of salad - womp womp)
Calories Burned (7/20): 2847
Deficit (7/20): 603
New Web Sites to share:
http://eatbetteramerica.com/
http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/
http://www.thedailygreen.com/
Have a great day everyone!
Nik
Starting Weight (7/21): 238.4 (down 3.2!!!)
Calories Consumed (7/20): 2244 (lunch killed me - soft tacos instead of salad - womp womp)
Calories Burned (7/20): 2847
Deficit (7/20): 603
New Web Sites to share:
http://eatbetteramerica.com/
http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/
http://www.thedailygreen.com/
Have a great day everyone!
Nik
Monday, July 19, 2010
One Day Down!
Woo Hoo!
I did it! Today was stellar. I got up at 6ish and worked out. I didn't go for a run because I realized when I was getting dressed... UH I have a little boy sleeping in his room!!!! I can't leave him at home alone!!! Crazy but true that it didn't occur to me sooner!!! But I did a living room workout - worked up a decent sweat. Then ate flawlessly today AND went to Turbo Kick class which turbo kicked my behind!
Starting weight this morning: 241.6
Calories Consumed: 1572
Calories Burned: 2715
Deficit: 1143
I did it! Today was stellar. I got up at 6ish and worked out. I didn't go for a run because I realized when I was getting dressed... UH I have a little boy sleeping in his room!!!! I can't leave him at home alone!!! Crazy but true that it didn't occur to me sooner!!! But I did a living room workout - worked up a decent sweat. Then ate flawlessly today AND went to Turbo Kick class which turbo kicked my behind!
Starting weight this morning: 241.6
Calories Consumed: 1572
Calories Burned: 2715
Deficit: 1143
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Confessions of an Overweight Woman!
Folks I've had some set backs.
Since my last entry my lowest weight has been 238 which would be 23 pounds down but my weight today, a couple of weeks later, is 244. UGH. I haven't written in a while for fear of disappointing all of my readers as much as I've disappointed myself, but that's not the right attitude. I promised to be raw from the beginning and I guess I have to repeatedly remind myself of that. I never promised to be perfect and not every step of a journey is on bright green, fluffy grass. This is the muck of weight loss for me. If it were easy I would have dropped it years ago never to be at this weight again. But it is hard.
I've been stressed. Financial worries have crept back into my life. Work is insanely busy. The commute is killing me. The precious baby of mine is now in full swing terrible twos. The list could go on. In an effort to build our savings back up after the lay offs, we've made some tough decisions and sacrifices, one of which being my beloved TNT. I look around the gym when I'm at TNT and I honestly don't think anyone else is getting the weight training workout that we're getting. Our trainers keep us moving, motivated and moaning! It's killing me to give it up. On one hand I'm thinking I can do this on my own. I recently purchased P90X for my husband, who has been doing Atkins for the last three or four weeks and is already down 14 - but that could be a bitch fest all on its own... I'm going to do P90X with him to take the place of TNT but I have my doubts it will work for me. The food thing in our house is tough because I'm the shopper - I'm being supportive of the Atkins regimen but I'm all confused. I think I'm eating more high protein meals and snacks that are naturally higher in calories, which has been the crucial factor for me and the BodyBugg. Then on the other hand I feel like money is a terrible reason to drop something that you know is working for you. I'm so literally afraid that I'm going to go backwards now. TNT officially ends for me 7/30.
The stress and insane workload has been causing me to "treat" myself to more and more calories a day. More and more little chats are being lost in my head to soothe the pain and stress with comforting food. Yikes I'm sliding and I can feel it. Where's the control? Where's the discipline? What does it say about me that I can slip so easily? I've been on this journey since October of last year and on the BodyBugg since February. I feel like I have nothing to show for it and that I've been fooling myself yet again into thinking that I'm doing great. I can in fact notice a change in my body. I know that - but its time to notice a change on that scale.
Now I'm supposed to flip it right - flip that switch to positive again. Ok so here are a few positive things.
1. I've promised myself to only sit out one 13-week session of TNT. So I MUST save pennies - whatever it takes to rejoin for the winter session.
2. I went into my BodyBugg profile and reset my weight and my goals to lose 50 pounds by 10/30 breaking the 200 mark. This means that every day I have to burn 3000 calories, only consume 2000 so there's a 1000 calorie deficit.
3. I'm still training for that 1/2 marathon in October so I'm going to add a morning run EVERY day even if it's just 30 minutes. This should rev my calorie burn quite a bit.
4. I'm going to do one hour of cardio at least five days a week in addition to the morning run.
5. I'm going to try P90X with an open mind and see if I like it - see if it works.
6. I'm going to fill out my food journal as I go all day long rather than wait until right before bed.
7. I'm going to try new low-fat, low-carb recipes to get me excited about cooking healthy again.
These are promises to myself.... not you guys, not my husband or anyone else. I have to do this for myself!!! I'm in no mood right now for my chipper, completely positive sign off so I'm going to sign off hopeful, naturally frustrated and in the process of forgiving myself! Until next time.... Nik
Since my last entry my lowest weight has been 238 which would be 23 pounds down but my weight today, a couple of weeks later, is 244. UGH. I haven't written in a while for fear of disappointing all of my readers as much as I've disappointed myself, but that's not the right attitude. I promised to be raw from the beginning and I guess I have to repeatedly remind myself of that. I never promised to be perfect and not every step of a journey is on bright green, fluffy grass. This is the muck of weight loss for me. If it were easy I would have dropped it years ago never to be at this weight again. But it is hard.
I've been stressed. Financial worries have crept back into my life. Work is insanely busy. The commute is killing me. The precious baby of mine is now in full swing terrible twos. The list could go on. In an effort to build our savings back up after the lay offs, we've made some tough decisions and sacrifices, one of which being my beloved TNT. I look around the gym when I'm at TNT and I honestly don't think anyone else is getting the weight training workout that we're getting. Our trainers keep us moving, motivated and moaning! It's killing me to give it up. On one hand I'm thinking I can do this on my own. I recently purchased P90X for my husband, who has been doing Atkins for the last three or four weeks and is already down 14 - but that could be a bitch fest all on its own... I'm going to do P90X with him to take the place of TNT but I have my doubts it will work for me. The food thing in our house is tough because I'm the shopper - I'm being supportive of the Atkins regimen but I'm all confused. I think I'm eating more high protein meals and snacks that are naturally higher in calories, which has been the crucial factor for me and the BodyBugg. Then on the other hand I feel like money is a terrible reason to drop something that you know is working for you. I'm so literally afraid that I'm going to go backwards now. TNT officially ends for me 7/30.
The stress and insane workload has been causing me to "treat" myself to more and more calories a day. More and more little chats are being lost in my head to soothe the pain and stress with comforting food. Yikes I'm sliding and I can feel it. Where's the control? Where's the discipline? What does it say about me that I can slip so easily? I've been on this journey since October of last year and on the BodyBugg since February. I feel like I have nothing to show for it and that I've been fooling myself yet again into thinking that I'm doing great. I can in fact notice a change in my body. I know that - but its time to notice a change on that scale.
Now I'm supposed to flip it right - flip that switch to positive again. Ok so here are a few positive things.
1. I've promised myself to only sit out one 13-week session of TNT. So I MUST save pennies - whatever it takes to rejoin for the winter session.
2. I went into my BodyBugg profile and reset my weight and my goals to lose 50 pounds by 10/30 breaking the 200 mark. This means that every day I have to burn 3000 calories, only consume 2000 so there's a 1000 calorie deficit.
3. I'm still training for that 1/2 marathon in October so I'm going to add a morning run EVERY day even if it's just 30 minutes. This should rev my calorie burn quite a bit.
4. I'm going to do one hour of cardio at least five days a week in addition to the morning run.
5. I'm going to try P90X with an open mind and see if I like it - see if it works.
6. I'm going to fill out my food journal as I go all day long rather than wait until right before bed.
7. I'm going to try new low-fat, low-carb recipes to get me excited about cooking healthy again.
These are promises to myself.... not you guys, not my husband or anyone else. I have to do this for myself!!! I'm in no mood right now for my chipper, completely positive sign off so I'm going to sign off hopeful, naturally frustrated and in the process of forgiving myself! Until next time.... Nik
Monday, May 24, 2010
Short but Sweet!
Hi all!
So updates.... yesterday my dad's chocolate, chocolate birthday cake was screaming at me. It grew eyes, these burley eye brows, a mouth, shark-like teeth and a really deep voice that said....
"Ha ha ha. You know you want to eat me. You know you want a piece of this. You can't avoid the smell and I'm so sweet and chocolatey and yummy. Come over here. It's worth the BILLION calories..."
It went on like that ALL day I tell you. But I won in the end! I did NOT eat a piece of that chocolate monster. No sir. Not me!
Have a great day free of temptation but know that you are stronger than that craving! Walk away. Walk away. Walk away.
So updates.... yesterday my dad's chocolate, chocolate birthday cake was screaming at me. It grew eyes, these burley eye brows, a mouth, shark-like teeth and a really deep voice that said....
"Ha ha ha. You know you want to eat me. You know you want a piece of this. You can't avoid the smell and I'm so sweet and chocolatey and yummy. Come over here. It's worth the BILLION calories..."
It went on like that ALL day I tell you. But I won in the end! I did NOT eat a piece of that chocolate monster. No sir. Not me!
Have a great day free of temptation but know that you are stronger than that craving! Walk away. Walk away. Walk away.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Super Foods! Just EAT Them!
Just thought I would share this with my readers. Thanks Ajeet for sharing! My grocery list is sure to be SUPER!
3.2 Miles Down... 9.9 Miles To Go!
I have so many people to thank and hope I don't forget anyone.
THANKS SO MUCH TO:
My parents have always taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to... a lesson I share with my son almost every day!
My husband who supports me above and beyond on this journey... I feel the pride you have in me and the admiration and all the encouragement not to mention the freedom you allow me to train by taking on more responsibility at home sometimes.
My original muses in this journey... Colleen and Dave S. who have taught me that you make no excuses - you get out there and you do it because you can (and thanks for volunteering for the kids - love you for that)!
To Ginny - girl I was so happy there was a familiar face across that finish line... thanks for the hug, words of encouragement and water!
Again, to my TNT trainers... Adam, Steve and now Joseph part of the team... listen I know that you guys have physically made me stronger which has made getting mentally stronger that much easier. I wouldn't be able to do all this without you!
Kamesha... you're crazy girl but I adore you for keeping me on track at work!
And to all of my friends, family and blog readers who encourage, motivate and inspire me every day.
I'm so proud to report that I have lost a total of 20 pounds so far but way more impressive.... since I started TNT last summer I have lost over 16% body fat! That's huge guys! I finished my first 5K in under an hour. I think my official time was 57 minutes and 8 seconds - which I know is long but I ran the whole thing - I finished it!
AND now look out world... I registered for the Baltimore Run Fest October 16th. I'm doing my first 1/2 marathon! That's 13.1 miles folks. I have NO doubts that I can do it! In my training so far I've run 7 miles and just last weekend did 5 miles in 1 hour and 37 minutes. So if I can do this... no seriously if IIIIIII can do this.... anyone can! Enjoy the photos and get outside this weekend. Do something good for your body. You won't regret it!
Food Addicts Unite! Cheers to our new mantra!
Woo hoo! Spring is here!
If you read my last post you know that we've established that my relationship with food is an addiction. That's heavy right? Perhaps about 100lbs heavy? Every talk show expert, every doctor, every therapist asks why do you do it? Why do you drink? Why do you gamble? Why do you eat? "They" (whoever they is) say you can't stop the behavior until you figure out the why.
Over the years I figured out the why. I pretty much summed it up in my last blog entry... I'm addicted to food based on the learned behavior of eating for every reason other than sustanance. Celebration, mourning, entertainment, recreation, comfort, reward, among others are all reasons to eat in my family, my circle of friends, in my African (American) culture and in my American culture. Well guess what? Now brace yourself because this may be an eye opener for a lot of people including those who aren't addicted to food but maybe struggle with other things in their life...
...if I learned this it's not mine! It never was! And guess what else I can unlearn it! If it's not mine and never was than it's my choice to choose the road less traveled! I'm an intelligent person. I can make my own decision to change. WOW the weight is literally lifted because I am no longer defined by this!
Let me break it down for you so it truly resonates:
- I learned this so it's NOT MINE!
- It never was mine!
- I can choose to unlearn it!
- This NO LONGER defines me!
Let this be my new mantra. You can borrow it if you like. It's incredibly freeing. Not a sermon! Just a thought!
If you read my last post you know that we've established that my relationship with food is an addiction. That's heavy right? Perhaps about 100lbs heavy? Every talk show expert, every doctor, every therapist asks why do you do it? Why do you drink? Why do you gamble? Why do you eat? "They" (whoever they is) say you can't stop the behavior until you figure out the why.
Over the years I figured out the why. I pretty much summed it up in my last blog entry... I'm addicted to food based on the learned behavior of eating for every reason other than sustanance. Celebration, mourning, entertainment, recreation, comfort, reward, among others are all reasons to eat in my family, my circle of friends, in my African (American) culture and in my American culture. Well guess what? Now brace yourself because this may be an eye opener for a lot of people including those who aren't addicted to food but maybe struggle with other things in their life...
...if I learned this it's not mine! It never was! And guess what else I can unlearn it! If it's not mine and never was than it's my choice to choose the road less traveled! I'm an intelligent person. I can make my own decision to change. WOW the weight is literally lifted because I am no longer defined by this!
Let me break it down for you so it truly resonates:
- I learned this so it's NOT MINE!
- It never was mine!
- I can choose to unlearn it!
- This NO LONGER defines me!
Let this be my new mantra. You can borrow it if you like. It's incredibly freeing. Not a sermon! Just a thought!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
It's finally NOT rocket science!
Hello everyone,
I know it's been a while since I blogged. The truth... I have been out of control! I have been eating everything from birthday cake, which is when it started (my bday was 2/11), to McDonald's (sorry Kamesha), to donuts and ice cream, to cookies and chocolate. Putting it in writing seems so bad but so freeing at the same time. At the beginning of this I promised to be raw. This is me - this is why I got this way in the first place. Last weekend I was at my Dad's house and we were having a pretty deep conversation as many of ours are and he says to me, "do you think you are addicted to food?" And I say, "yes."
Why else would I be 33 or am I 34, I'm actually at the point when I've stopped counting which only means one thing: I'm getting older! Oh right I forgot I was saying why else would I be 33, 5'3" and two hundred fourty some odd pounds? Ok so my scale requires a 9volt battery and I haven't "remembered" to buy one!!! Yeah if you believe that you haven't been reading this blog for long! :-) Yeah me and the scale are tight!
Ok so this question, of course, caused me to think back and say but why is it an addiction? What's behind the habit? Is it that I literally can't control myself? Is it a physical longing... pain? Is it simply, or rather the least simple thing, mental? And then my Dad asked me in his most fatherly way, "do you know what addiction is?" And I immediately got defensive. Of course I know what addiction is... do I really have to answer that? Dad, you're talking to me like I'm three instead of 33 (or 34). Oh my I just did the math... I'm 34. So we cleared that up - nothing much has changed in the past 30 seconds! Right back to addiction. I think I answered it's really a loss of control or a need to fill a void with something other than what's really eating at you - no pun intended.
So let's check Wikipedia just for shits and giggles... and survey says....
The meaning of the word addiction in the English lexicon varies according to context. A positive addiction is a beneficial habit--where the benefits outweigh the costs. A negative addiction is a detrimental habit—where the benefits are not worth the negative financial, physical, spiritual and mental costs.
Hmmm I think that fits the bill because in the end I think I learned the behavior of using food as a source or tool to satiate other human needs than pure energy (oh shit my husband just threw me a 9volt battery - no lie - he forgot bread at the grocery store but remembered the damn 9volt battery!) So really all we need food for is nourishment - energy. So of course my inclination to use food for comfort, celebration, recreation, in sad times and in great times, in sickness and in health... get the picture I was freakin married to food far longer than I was married to my husband... this has been habit for me all my life. Part of it cultural, part of it learned behavior, part of it a body hunger that only detox could fix. Hell yeah it's an addiction.
I've known for a very long time that I've had the addiction. Circle back around to why I started this blog... the best way to conquer a bad behavior or habit is to develop a positive one. I find comfort in writing. I celebrate when my writing has touched another person or when I've put in writing exactly what's in my heart.
So in the true spirit of "Flipped the Switch," despite my February downward spiral, I'm going to focus on the positive! I asked my family for one of two things for my birthday - one the Body Bugg, a sort of pedometer/heart monitor on crack, or two money to continue TNT. Well the money situation has gotten significantly better so I'm able to continue TNT and my awesome family got me the Body Bugg! I think I started this journey at 261 in October. I weighed in for the start of Body Bugg at 243, having lost 18 pounds on my own. So now the pedometer/heart monitor on crack is tracking every single calorie burned. Did you know that you burn approximately 4 calories when you pee and 6 calories when you laugh so hard your tummy hurts? It's true! This is the missing link I tell you. The Body Bugg has unlocked the key to my weight loss. Body Bugg includes a food log as part of the program so now I can see how many calories I consume versus how many I burn. If I burn more than I consume I lose weight. If I consume more than I burn I gain. If it equals out I maintain my weight. PERIOD. This has changed my world. The one thing that has been so hard for me to conquer is not as simple as 1, 2, 3! It is finally NOT rocket science!
I've also started running. I'm training for my first 5K in April - the GW Parkway Classic to benefit Boys & Girls Clubs (www.active.com if you want to join me). A 5K is what 3.5 miles? I don't even know but I know it's a hell of a lot shorter than the Breast Cancer 3-day 60-miler!!! I figure if I can walk 40-something of the 60 (remember I had a sprained ankle) then I can jog 3.5 right!?! Well I'm working on it. My biggest challenge in jogging is feet, ankle, calf and knee pain because my bones are not meant to cary around 243 pounds! But as runners I know describe there is a high and a point when you simply talk and jog your way through the pain and then it goes away. ENDURANCE is the name of the game and I'm not doing too bad!
I know it's been a while since I blogged. The truth... I have been out of control! I have been eating everything from birthday cake, which is when it started (my bday was 2/11), to McDonald's (sorry Kamesha), to donuts and ice cream, to cookies and chocolate. Putting it in writing seems so bad but so freeing at the same time. At the beginning of this I promised to be raw. This is me - this is why I got this way in the first place. Last weekend I was at my Dad's house and we were having a pretty deep conversation as many of ours are and he says to me, "do you think you are addicted to food?" And I say, "yes."
Why else would I be 33 or am I 34, I'm actually at the point when I've stopped counting which only means one thing: I'm getting older! Oh right I forgot I was saying why else would I be 33, 5'3" and two hundred fourty some odd pounds? Ok so my scale requires a 9volt battery and I haven't "remembered" to buy one!!! Yeah if you believe that you haven't been reading this blog for long! :-) Yeah me and the scale are tight!
Ok so this question, of course, caused me to think back and say but why is it an addiction? What's behind the habit? Is it that I literally can't control myself? Is it a physical longing... pain? Is it simply, or rather the least simple thing, mental? And then my Dad asked me in his most fatherly way, "do you know what addiction is?" And I immediately got defensive. Of course I know what addiction is... do I really have to answer that? Dad, you're talking to me like I'm three instead of 33 (or 34). Oh my I just did the math... I'm 34. So we cleared that up - nothing much has changed in the past 30 seconds! Right back to addiction. I think I answered it's really a loss of control or a need to fill a void with something other than what's really eating at you - no pun intended.
So let's check Wikipedia just for shits and giggles... and survey says....
The meaning of the word addiction in the English lexicon varies according to context. A positive addiction is a beneficial habit--where the benefits outweigh the costs. A negative addiction is a detrimental habit—where the benefits are not worth the negative financial, physical, spiritual and mental costs.
Hmmm I think that fits the bill because in the end I think I learned the behavior of using food as a source or tool to satiate other human needs than pure energy (oh shit my husband just threw me a 9volt battery - no lie - he forgot bread at the grocery store but remembered the damn 9volt battery!) So really all we need food for is nourishment - energy. So of course my inclination to use food for comfort, celebration, recreation, in sad times and in great times, in sickness and in health... get the picture I was freakin married to food far longer than I was married to my husband... this has been habit for me all my life. Part of it cultural, part of it learned behavior, part of it a body hunger that only detox could fix. Hell yeah it's an addiction.
I've known for a very long time that I've had the addiction. Circle back around to why I started this blog... the best way to conquer a bad behavior or habit is to develop a positive one. I find comfort in writing. I celebrate when my writing has touched another person or when I've put in writing exactly what's in my heart.
So in the true spirit of "Flipped the Switch," despite my February downward spiral, I'm going to focus on the positive! I asked my family for one of two things for my birthday - one the Body Bugg, a sort of pedometer/heart monitor on crack, or two money to continue TNT. Well the money situation has gotten significantly better so I'm able to continue TNT and my awesome family got me the Body Bugg! I think I started this journey at 261 in October. I weighed in for the start of Body Bugg at 243, having lost 18 pounds on my own. So now the pedometer/heart monitor on crack is tracking every single calorie burned. Did you know that you burn approximately 4 calories when you pee and 6 calories when you laugh so hard your tummy hurts? It's true! This is the missing link I tell you. The Body Bugg has unlocked the key to my weight loss. Body Bugg includes a food log as part of the program so now I can see how many calories I consume versus how many I burn. If I burn more than I consume I lose weight. If I consume more than I burn I gain. If it equals out I maintain my weight. PERIOD. This has changed my world. The one thing that has been so hard for me to conquer is not as simple as 1, 2, 3! It is finally NOT rocket science!
I've also started running. I'm training for my first 5K in April - the GW Parkway Classic to benefit Boys & Girls Clubs (www.active.com if you want to join me). A 5K is what 3.5 miles? I don't even know but I know it's a hell of a lot shorter than the Breast Cancer 3-day 60-miler!!! I figure if I can walk 40-something of the 60 (remember I had a sprained ankle) then I can jog 3.5 right!?! Well I'm working on it. My biggest challenge in jogging is feet, ankle, calf and knee pain because my bones are not meant to cary around 243 pounds! But as runners I know describe there is a high and a point when you simply talk and jog your way through the pain and then it goes away. ENDURANCE is the name of the game and I'm not doing too bad!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Holy crap! Our trainers are people too!
It’s the last weekend in January. Do you know what that means? It means a large percentage of the people who joined a gym, re-joined a gym, hired a personal trainer, or started a diet program, are just days away from slipping back into their old ways. Gyms are packed with people in January and just like that the gym rats get their gym back in February. Why? I know why!
So here’s the chain of events: someone or something motivated you to walk into that gym. The sales consultants were encouraging, friendly, made you feel comfortable and showed you just how much of a community the gym can be. You find a class you like or a trainer to work with and you suddenly feel like you belong – like people are happy to see you there. All of a sudden you feel like you’ve found your place. Then a couple of weeks go by and it’s getting harder and harder to drag yourself in there. People aren’t as smiley as they were at the beginning of the year. The fit people, the people who workout all the time, just come in, do their work and go home. The trainers’ attention has balanced out. In fact, everyone who works at the gym seems like they’re doing just that – working – it’s a job. The feelings of insecurity and being uncomfortable start to settle in again. You feel just as alone in this journey as you did before the new-year. Your attendance starts to slip. Suddenly you have to work late or you’re tired or you have a cold or it’s too cold outside – finding excuses becomes easier than sticking to the commitment you made to change your life. In your discomfort with your new lifestyle you begin to find comfort in your old lifestyle and the cycle begins again.
Despite my change in lifestyle, my positive attitude, my kick-butt TNT workouts, my 15-pound weight loss, my inspiring blog entries, I too have experienced this yet again. I joined Sport & Health in January so I could take it up a notch. I wanted to be able to eliminate the excuses of weather, my commute, boredom with my exercise, etc. I now have access to any Sport & Health – that’s 20-some locations in the tri-state area. I can take amazing classes, have access to top-of-the-line equipment, pools, basketball, volleyball, indoor tracks, clean locker-rooms with all amenities, tennis, racquetball, Pilates, even Serenity Day Spas. I have no excuse not to find a gym near me and an activity I’ll love. I can switch it up when I get bored and on top of all of that I still have TNT two to three times a week. I even know a lot of the Sport & Health team. So what’s the problem? Instead of giving in to it, I decided to observe.
I saw new people who seemed a little disoriented, unsure of themselves and kind of like fish out of water. Then I looked around at the regulars – the faces that are now familiar to me after months of working out. They are often in their own world. They often do what they need to do and get out – hellos and smiles as you pass them by are few and far between. I started looking around at all the people working there and noticed that many of them looked like me after a long day of work – you know like the last place you want to be anymore is at work. And then it hit me. Holy crap, they are all people too! The people at the front desk who often do say hi and bye, may slip from time to time. The trainers get tired too. And really I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like to motivate someone like me. I admit on a regular basis that the last place I want to be is working out. I want it to be over with. I just said to one of my TNT trainers the other day, “I went to TNT on Saturday. It was a miracle that I went but I did it.” What do I want a cookie? I’m telling my trainer, who HAS to be there because it’s his JOB to be there, that I’m oh so proud of myself for dragging my butt into the gym for ONE HOUR on a Saturday morning. He does this every day. He puts a smile on his face, pushes me and others, when most of his clients have a desperate dependency on him to do just that. It’s like going to the dentist for me. I truly hate it sometimes. It feels great after but man I can’t wait until it’s over. DUDE! I’m just now realizing that it would truly be hard to be “ON” every day trying to get someone like me to stop complaining and just do it.
Overweight people tend to depend on or blame outside sources for their condition or whatever put them in their condition. I’m no exception. In the past, I have put the blame everywhere but where it should have been. I know now, in a very different way than before, that I have to be responsible for my actions. I have to motivate myself to go to the gym. I have to stop myself from eating poorly or over-indulging. ME. Every time Bryan, the program director at Worldgate smiles and says how you doing – every time Carlton at Worldgate says nice to see you Nikki as I’m coming or going – every time Steve or Chris, my TNT trainers, say you can do it or push yourself just when I take an “unplanned” break in my workout (how do they always know LOL) – all serve as an extra push but I have to do it. There’s no way to get out of the work. No one else can do my homework for this – if they do they benefit not me! I have all the tools at my fingertips and then some but until I realized this fact I had hit a roadblock of sorts. Yeah I work hard when I go to TNT and I put in about 2 or 3 hard core cardio sessions a week but I’m still dialing it in. I really am. I know this. I know I can do better. I can eat better. I CAN write down what I eat everyday. I’m accountable to no one but myself and in this moment I get it… I felt alone in this journey before because I am alone. I am the only one who can do this and for the first time in my life that’s ok.
For years I made myself the victim of this. I told myself all these lies like I can’t do it because I’ve tried before or I don’t have the time because my life is too hectic or I can’t afford the tools I need or my big butt is in my family genes! All of it not true and certainly not excuse enough to give up. I’ve given up on myself so many times – putting myself in a weak state. I am strong! I’m strong physically and more and more everyday I’m strong emotionally. I just need to make this my new truth. We all need to create a new, more positive truth for ourselves. Our trainers, the people who work at our gyms, our significant others, our parents can be our extended support system but they can not do this for us. I will do this because the most important thing I can teach my son by example is that he can do anything because I can do anything.
After all of these epiphanies I thought to myself, how can I help some of the newbies in the gym. I remembered one of my experiences at Burke Lake. After the 3-Day Walk for Susan G. Komen, I committed to run my first 5K to benefit Boys & Girls Clubs. So instead of walking the five-mile loop at the lake I started to jog it. So one day I’m jogging and I’m going up a little hill and feeling it – probably looking beat down – and this total stranger who was fit as a fiddle, one of those people I envy when I’m out there working out, smiled at me and said keep going girl, you’re doing it. He didn’t say you can do it he said you ARE doing it. It made me feel like yeah look at me I AM doing it but more importantly someone I didn’t even know was rooting for me. That felt awesome. So, I’m going to do the same. I’m going to smile at people at the gym. I’m going to commiserate with people who look like they may be having a tough go at it and I’m going to say you go girl or you got this to people who are working hard and look beat down like I did that day. I’m going to reach out and be the community in the gym that I want my gym to be. I’m going to invest in myself and my environment. Because there is one more moral to this story… the more invested and tangled up I am in something the harder it is to get out! By golly I think I’ve got it! At least for today! Cya at the gym!
Nik
So here’s the chain of events: someone or something motivated you to walk into that gym. The sales consultants were encouraging, friendly, made you feel comfortable and showed you just how much of a community the gym can be. You find a class you like or a trainer to work with and you suddenly feel like you belong – like people are happy to see you there. All of a sudden you feel like you’ve found your place. Then a couple of weeks go by and it’s getting harder and harder to drag yourself in there. People aren’t as smiley as they were at the beginning of the year. The fit people, the people who workout all the time, just come in, do their work and go home. The trainers’ attention has balanced out. In fact, everyone who works at the gym seems like they’re doing just that – working – it’s a job. The feelings of insecurity and being uncomfortable start to settle in again. You feel just as alone in this journey as you did before the new-year. Your attendance starts to slip. Suddenly you have to work late or you’re tired or you have a cold or it’s too cold outside – finding excuses becomes easier than sticking to the commitment you made to change your life. In your discomfort with your new lifestyle you begin to find comfort in your old lifestyle and the cycle begins again.
Despite my change in lifestyle, my positive attitude, my kick-butt TNT workouts, my 15-pound weight loss, my inspiring blog entries, I too have experienced this yet again. I joined Sport & Health in January so I could take it up a notch. I wanted to be able to eliminate the excuses of weather, my commute, boredom with my exercise, etc. I now have access to any Sport & Health – that’s 20-some locations in the tri-state area. I can take amazing classes, have access to top-of-the-line equipment, pools, basketball, volleyball, indoor tracks, clean locker-rooms with all amenities, tennis, racquetball, Pilates, even Serenity Day Spas. I have no excuse not to find a gym near me and an activity I’ll love. I can switch it up when I get bored and on top of all of that I still have TNT two to three times a week. I even know a lot of the Sport & Health team. So what’s the problem? Instead of giving in to it, I decided to observe.
I saw new people who seemed a little disoriented, unsure of themselves and kind of like fish out of water. Then I looked around at the regulars – the faces that are now familiar to me after months of working out. They are often in their own world. They often do what they need to do and get out – hellos and smiles as you pass them by are few and far between. I started looking around at all the people working there and noticed that many of them looked like me after a long day of work – you know like the last place you want to be anymore is at work. And then it hit me. Holy crap, they are all people too! The people at the front desk who often do say hi and bye, may slip from time to time. The trainers get tired too. And really I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like to motivate someone like me. I admit on a regular basis that the last place I want to be is working out. I want it to be over with. I just said to one of my TNT trainers the other day, “I went to TNT on Saturday. It was a miracle that I went but I did it.” What do I want a cookie? I’m telling my trainer, who HAS to be there because it’s his JOB to be there, that I’m oh so proud of myself for dragging my butt into the gym for ONE HOUR on a Saturday morning. He does this every day. He puts a smile on his face, pushes me and others, when most of his clients have a desperate dependency on him to do just that. It’s like going to the dentist for me. I truly hate it sometimes. It feels great after but man I can’t wait until it’s over. DUDE! I’m just now realizing that it would truly be hard to be “ON” every day trying to get someone like me to stop complaining and just do it.
Overweight people tend to depend on or blame outside sources for their condition or whatever put them in their condition. I’m no exception. In the past, I have put the blame everywhere but where it should have been. I know now, in a very different way than before, that I have to be responsible for my actions. I have to motivate myself to go to the gym. I have to stop myself from eating poorly or over-indulging. ME. Every time Bryan, the program director at Worldgate smiles and says how you doing – every time Carlton at Worldgate says nice to see you Nikki as I’m coming or going – every time Steve or Chris, my TNT trainers, say you can do it or push yourself just when I take an “unplanned” break in my workout (how do they always know LOL) – all serve as an extra push but I have to do it. There’s no way to get out of the work. No one else can do my homework for this – if they do they benefit not me! I have all the tools at my fingertips and then some but until I realized this fact I had hit a roadblock of sorts. Yeah I work hard when I go to TNT and I put in about 2 or 3 hard core cardio sessions a week but I’m still dialing it in. I really am. I know this. I know I can do better. I can eat better. I CAN write down what I eat everyday. I’m accountable to no one but myself and in this moment I get it… I felt alone in this journey before because I am alone. I am the only one who can do this and for the first time in my life that’s ok.
For years I made myself the victim of this. I told myself all these lies like I can’t do it because I’ve tried before or I don’t have the time because my life is too hectic or I can’t afford the tools I need or my big butt is in my family genes! All of it not true and certainly not excuse enough to give up. I’ve given up on myself so many times – putting myself in a weak state. I am strong! I’m strong physically and more and more everyday I’m strong emotionally. I just need to make this my new truth. We all need to create a new, more positive truth for ourselves. Our trainers, the people who work at our gyms, our significant others, our parents can be our extended support system but they can not do this for us. I will do this because the most important thing I can teach my son by example is that he can do anything because I can do anything.
After all of these epiphanies I thought to myself, how can I help some of the newbies in the gym. I remembered one of my experiences at Burke Lake. After the 3-Day Walk for Susan G. Komen, I committed to run my first 5K to benefit Boys & Girls Clubs. So instead of walking the five-mile loop at the lake I started to jog it. So one day I’m jogging and I’m going up a little hill and feeling it – probably looking beat down – and this total stranger who was fit as a fiddle, one of those people I envy when I’m out there working out, smiled at me and said keep going girl, you’re doing it. He didn’t say you can do it he said you ARE doing it. It made me feel like yeah look at me I AM doing it but more importantly someone I didn’t even know was rooting for me. That felt awesome. So, I’m going to do the same. I’m going to smile at people at the gym. I’m going to commiserate with people who look like they may be having a tough go at it and I’m going to say you go girl or you got this to people who are working hard and look beat down like I did that day. I’m going to reach out and be the community in the gym that I want my gym to be. I’m going to invest in myself and my environment. Because there is one more moral to this story… the more invested and tangled up I am in something the harder it is to get out! By golly I think I’ve got it! At least for today! Cya at the gym!
Nik
Friday, January 22, 2010
This is NOT text book!
There has been a new blog entry brewing in my head for a few weeks now. This is not that entry!
For those of you who know me, you know it’s not rare to find me in my chair catching up on Oprah eps on my DVR. Tonight I’m catching the episode in remembrance of Senator Ted Kennedy. As the Senator said himself in a letter he wrote to the Pope in the last weeks of his life, “I know that I’ve been an imperfect human-being, but with the help of my faith I have tried to right my path.” Now this super family, The Kennedy’s, generally inspires me when the spotlight is on them. But this series of family interviews has shed a different light: a light of humanness and with humanness comes imperfection. Whether you agree with their politics there is no denial that this group of people embodies something special. Such perseverance; such planning; such a desire for greatness; such optimism; such determination is not of text books.
Family members were asked to share their favorite memories of the Senator. His oldest son told a story of when he was a small boy, diagnosed with a cancer that took one of his legs. It was a snowy day, he was leaving the hospital with his dad, the Senator, and he was getting used to his new artificial leg. Senator Kennedy went in the garage and pulled out the radio flyer sled and asked his young son if he wanted to sled down their steep hill. So they tried and he couldn’t get it at first with this foreign leg of his. He looked at his dad, crying and said, “I can’t.” The Senator simply responded, “…we’re going to do this even if it takes all day. There is nothing you can’t do.” Wow! Now that’s a lesson! And how appropriate is the title of his memoirs, True Compass…definitely not a text book.
Then I realized, this battle between I can’t and I can has been at the center of my weight loss journey since I noticed I couldn’t cross my legs under my desk like the other girls in school. I have been able to accomplish so many things in life and have made it through so many journeys in life. I think that both of my parents instilled a great sense of ‘yes you can’ in me. That leaves me with the question, why not this? But even as I’m writing this I’m realizing that I don’t have to ask that question anymore. Why? Because I’m doing it. Right now I’m doing it. I’m not asking myself or anyone else anymore.
Senator Kennedy shared one of his favorite memories in a recent documentary about his life. It was the story of his grandson who had been struggling with school work and getting into a little bit of trouble. That summer he enrolled the 10- or 12-year-old in sailing lessons. Sailing ignited a spark in him. He was excited about learning and at the end of summer awards were given out. Senator Kennedy chuckled at the fact that it was hard to even hug his grandson because his chest was sticking out so far with pride! What was my spark? My son. The Breast Cancer 3-Day. The people who motivated me on the walk and inspired me through their own great accomplishments. All of the above and more. I finally chose the right path at the crossroads of I can’t and I can. And I’m proud of myself. Can you see my chest sticking out?
So I guess the other blog entry that’s been brewing will make its debut tomorrow maybe… soon I promise! Sweet dreams and goodnight.
For those of you who know me, you know it’s not rare to find me in my chair catching up on Oprah eps on my DVR. Tonight I’m catching the episode in remembrance of Senator Ted Kennedy. As the Senator said himself in a letter he wrote to the Pope in the last weeks of his life, “I know that I’ve been an imperfect human-being, but with the help of my faith I have tried to right my path.” Now this super family, The Kennedy’s, generally inspires me when the spotlight is on them. But this series of family interviews has shed a different light: a light of humanness and with humanness comes imperfection. Whether you agree with their politics there is no denial that this group of people embodies something special. Such perseverance; such planning; such a desire for greatness; such optimism; such determination is not of text books.
Family members were asked to share their favorite memories of the Senator. His oldest son told a story of when he was a small boy, diagnosed with a cancer that took one of his legs. It was a snowy day, he was leaving the hospital with his dad, the Senator, and he was getting used to his new artificial leg. Senator Kennedy went in the garage and pulled out the radio flyer sled and asked his young son if he wanted to sled down their steep hill. So they tried and he couldn’t get it at first with this foreign leg of his. He looked at his dad, crying and said, “I can’t.” The Senator simply responded, “…we’re going to do this even if it takes all day. There is nothing you can’t do.” Wow! Now that’s a lesson! And how appropriate is the title of his memoirs, True Compass…definitely not a text book.
Then I realized, this battle between I can’t and I can has been at the center of my weight loss journey since I noticed I couldn’t cross my legs under my desk like the other girls in school. I have been able to accomplish so many things in life and have made it through so many journeys in life. I think that both of my parents instilled a great sense of ‘yes you can’ in me. That leaves me with the question, why not this? But even as I’m writing this I’m realizing that I don’t have to ask that question anymore. Why? Because I’m doing it. Right now I’m doing it. I’m not asking myself or anyone else anymore.
Senator Kennedy shared one of his favorite memories in a recent documentary about his life. It was the story of his grandson who had been struggling with school work and getting into a little bit of trouble. That summer he enrolled the 10- or 12-year-old in sailing lessons. Sailing ignited a spark in him. He was excited about learning and at the end of summer awards were given out. Senator Kennedy chuckled at the fact that it was hard to even hug his grandson because his chest was sticking out so far with pride! What was my spark? My son. The Breast Cancer 3-Day. The people who motivated me on the walk and inspired me through their own great accomplishments. All of the above and more. I finally chose the right path at the crossroads of I can’t and I can. And I’m proud of myself. Can you see my chest sticking out?
So I guess the other blog entry that’s been brewing will make its debut tomorrow maybe… soon I promise! Sweet dreams and goodnight.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
That's Life
Happy New Year!
Well I didn't hit my goal of 241 but I did get to 243! I almost forgot that I had even set a goal until a friend and follower of my blog reminded me! Over the holidays... having NOT followed my own rules and "tips"... having only worked out twice... Ok so I'm not condoning my behavior but I did lose 5 pounds! How? The only thing I can think of is portion control and the muscles I'm breeding happen to be helping out!
But tonight there's something else on my mind.... Stress! So I'm not sure what's going on with my contract job - the one in which the contract is up in say MARCH. I'm up for a manager position, however, I have no idea if I'm going to get it. So do I torture myself with the excruciating pain of the job search or just believe that I will get the job? OR should I stop to consider, as Michael Baisden said today, "are you living your dream?"
No not really. But what is my dream? I don't know anymore. I want to have a really cool job, I want to own my own biz, I want to write a book, I want to be a great mom who spends tons of q-time with her kids, I want to travel, I want to write about travelling, I want to save and spend money, I want to buy a beach house, I want to run really fast and really far, we all know I want to be skinny, I want to .........aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I have no idea but I know I want to do a lot of shit but none of that fits into one dream. Am I supposed to have one concise, accessible dream? If I don't have one dream how am I supposed to work towards it? Hmmm see this is only stressful because I didn't win the lottery yesterday.
I'm stressed about my job. I wonder everyday when I fall asleep on my way to work why I'm driving all this way for a coordinator position that pays a considerable amount less than my previous positions. Dave is driving two hours for a job he loves at least - he's following his dream to build buildings. Ah the beauty in the simplicity of that. So why is my dream, or dreams rather so complicated? And why do I feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel running in place without money? After all, don't they say follow your dream and the money will come?
To add to the stress of figuring out what I want to do with my life, this year of unemployment is finally catching up with us financially and man when you're down it is HARD to get back up. I'm using a lot of energy keeping my spirits up, staying true to my faith and believing everything will be alright. So how do you follow your dreams, losing weight or otherwise, when you're worried about the bills or giving your son everything he needs or just finding the money to eat healthy, maintain a gym membership and other things that are necessary in this journey that I'm on? I don't know the answer but I know I just joined Sport & Health giving me access to all of the clubs eliminating the commute challenge and the childcare challenge because many of the clubs have kids clubs. And as of late, I've come to the conclusion that I need to find the extra money to continue TNT.
Last night I did TNT at 6:15pm followed by spin at 7pm. I only got to see my son for about 15 minutes yesterday but I got in the workout I needed to get me back on track. Man if I had all the tools at this point I truly believe the pounds would shed off. But I'm doing what I can and the pounds are coming off slowly but surely. And you know what? That's ok. So I guess in this outpouring of feelings my uplifting spirit, my unwavering faith and my belief that everything really is going to be ok, shine through.
The saying, "that's life," is taking on a whole new meaning to me right about now! Please share your thoughts and feelings. It's nice to know I'm not alone!
Nik
Well I didn't hit my goal of 241 but I did get to 243! I almost forgot that I had even set a goal until a friend and follower of my blog reminded me! Over the holidays... having NOT followed my own rules and "tips"... having only worked out twice... Ok so I'm not condoning my behavior but I did lose 5 pounds! How? The only thing I can think of is portion control and the muscles I'm breeding happen to be helping out!
But tonight there's something else on my mind.... Stress! So I'm not sure what's going on with my contract job - the one in which the contract is up in say MARCH. I'm up for a manager position, however, I have no idea if I'm going to get it. So do I torture myself with the excruciating pain of the job search or just believe that I will get the job? OR should I stop to consider, as Michael Baisden said today, "are you living your dream?"
No not really. But what is my dream? I don't know anymore. I want to have a really cool job, I want to own my own biz, I want to write a book, I want to be a great mom who spends tons of q-time with her kids, I want to travel, I want to write about travelling, I want to save and spend money, I want to buy a beach house, I want to run really fast and really far, we all know I want to be skinny, I want to .........aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I have no idea but I know I want to do a lot of shit but none of that fits into one dream. Am I supposed to have one concise, accessible dream? If I don't have one dream how am I supposed to work towards it? Hmmm see this is only stressful because I didn't win the lottery yesterday.
I'm stressed about my job. I wonder everyday when I fall asleep on my way to work why I'm driving all this way for a coordinator position that pays a considerable amount less than my previous positions. Dave is driving two hours for a job he loves at least - he's following his dream to build buildings. Ah the beauty in the simplicity of that. So why is my dream, or dreams rather so complicated? And why do I feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel running in place without money? After all, don't they say follow your dream and the money will come?
To add to the stress of figuring out what I want to do with my life, this year of unemployment is finally catching up with us financially and man when you're down it is HARD to get back up. I'm using a lot of energy keeping my spirits up, staying true to my faith and believing everything will be alright. So how do you follow your dreams, losing weight or otherwise, when you're worried about the bills or giving your son everything he needs or just finding the money to eat healthy, maintain a gym membership and other things that are necessary in this journey that I'm on? I don't know the answer but I know I just joined Sport & Health giving me access to all of the clubs eliminating the commute challenge and the childcare challenge because many of the clubs have kids clubs. And as of late, I've come to the conclusion that I need to find the extra money to continue TNT.
Last night I did TNT at 6:15pm followed by spin at 7pm. I only got to see my son for about 15 minutes yesterday but I got in the workout I needed to get me back on track. Man if I had all the tools at this point I truly believe the pounds would shed off. But I'm doing what I can and the pounds are coming off slowly but surely. And you know what? That's ok. So I guess in this outpouring of feelings my uplifting spirit, my unwavering faith and my belief that everything really is going to be ok, shine through.
The saying, "that's life," is taking on a whole new meaning to me right about now! Please share your thoughts and feelings. It's nice to know I'm not alone!
Nik
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