Day 2

A good friend said to me not long ago that you'll do it and it will be like you flipped the switch. It will just happen. This was after my AHA moment. It was the second day of the Breast Cancer 3Day walk. I was put on medical hold because my ankle, which I had sprained a couple of weeks before, had turned a pretty shade of blue. Since my other ankle wasn't naturally blue, my walking badge was replaced by a RED CARD in other words the scarlet letter preventing me from walking. I had lots of time that day to think and think and think some more. Even though the sprained ankle was not my fault, I was feeling very down about not being able to walk. At about 5pm I hopped over to the finish line at the entrance of the camp site, to cheer in my teammates when it came on - Michael Jackson's "Change." I was singing to the lyrics over tears that I just couldn't push back anymore - you gotta look in the mirror and make that change.

At that moment I knew I had to do something about my weight. I helped raise nearly $10,000 for the 3Day Walk and I still walked almost 40 miles on a bum ankle, but that walk gave me so much more than I could ever give the cause. It gave me perspective. The first day, I asked my walking buddy, who had lost quite a bit of weight and kept it off, "why does this hurt so much? I workout, although not crazy, I'm relatively healthy, yet women are passing me by looking like its a stroll in the park. Is it just because all of this extra weight I'm carrying around?" Without hesitation she simply said yes.

This conversation began my reflection. I have a 20-month old son who is full of energy and life. I'm a kid at heart myself full of energy and life, but I'm in this body that prohibits me to do a lot of things I want to do. My walking partner had just gone to trapeze school. I want to do that, but in asking her about the details I had to ask her if a person of my size could do it. I want to go to the beach and the pool and make splashing about with my son the focus rather than where can I drop my towel so I can jump in the water without being seen in my bathing suit. I want to shop somewhere other than Lane Bryant. I want to fly on a plane and go to an amusement park without thinking about whether I will fit in the seat.

My name is Nikki and I weigh 251 pounds. I carry around those 251 pounds on a 5'3" frame. This is the start of my journey. I will share all experiences and feelings raw and uncensored as I go through this transition because.... finally my Switch has been officially Flipped!