It’s the last weekend in January. Do you know what that means? It means a large percentage of the people who joined a gym, re-joined a gym, hired a personal trainer, or started a diet program, are just days away from slipping back into their old ways. Gyms are packed with people in January and just like that the gym rats get their gym back in February. Why? I know why!
So here’s the chain of events: someone or something motivated you to walk into that gym. The sales consultants were encouraging, friendly, made you feel comfortable and showed you just how much of a community the gym can be. You find a class you like or a trainer to work with and you suddenly feel like you belong – like people are happy to see you there. All of a sudden you feel like you’ve found your place. Then a couple of weeks go by and it’s getting harder and harder to drag yourself in there. People aren’t as smiley as they were at the beginning of the year. The fit people, the people who workout all the time, just come in, do their work and go home. The trainers’ attention has balanced out. In fact, everyone who works at the gym seems like they’re doing just that – working – it’s a job. The feelings of insecurity and being uncomfortable start to settle in again. You feel just as alone in this journey as you did before the new-year. Your attendance starts to slip. Suddenly you have to work late or you’re tired or you have a cold or it’s too cold outside – finding excuses becomes easier than sticking to the commitment you made to change your life. In your discomfort with your new lifestyle you begin to find comfort in your old lifestyle and the cycle begins again.
Despite my change in lifestyle, my positive attitude, my kick-butt TNT workouts, my 15-pound weight loss, my inspiring blog entries, I too have experienced this yet again. I joined Sport & Health in January so I could take it up a notch. I wanted to be able to eliminate the excuses of weather, my commute, boredom with my exercise, etc. I now have access to any Sport & Health – that’s 20-some locations in the tri-state area. I can take amazing classes, have access to top-of-the-line equipment, pools, basketball, volleyball, indoor tracks, clean locker-rooms with all amenities, tennis, racquetball, Pilates, even Serenity Day Spas. I have no excuse not to find a gym near me and an activity I’ll love. I can switch it up when I get bored and on top of all of that I still have TNT two to three times a week. I even know a lot of the Sport & Health team. So what’s the problem? Instead of giving in to it, I decided to observe.
I saw new people who seemed a little disoriented, unsure of themselves and kind of like fish out of water. Then I looked around at the regulars – the faces that are now familiar to me after months of working out. They are often in their own world. They often do what they need to do and get out – hellos and smiles as you pass them by are few and far between. I started looking around at all the people working there and noticed that many of them looked like me after a long day of work – you know like the last place you want to be anymore is at work. And then it hit me. Holy crap, they are all people too! The people at the front desk who often do say hi and bye, may slip from time to time. The trainers get tired too. And really I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like to motivate someone like me. I admit on a regular basis that the last place I want to be is working out. I want it to be over with. I just said to one of my TNT trainers the other day, “I went to TNT on Saturday. It was a miracle that I went but I did it.” What do I want a cookie? I’m telling my trainer, who HAS to be there because it’s his JOB to be there, that I’m oh so proud of myself for dragging my butt into the gym for ONE HOUR on a Saturday morning. He does this every day. He puts a smile on his face, pushes me and others, when most of his clients have a desperate dependency on him to do just that. It’s like going to the dentist for me. I truly hate it sometimes. It feels great after but man I can’t wait until it’s over. DUDE! I’m just now realizing that it would truly be hard to be “ON” every day trying to get someone like me to stop complaining and just do it.
Overweight people tend to depend on or blame outside sources for their condition or whatever put them in their condition. I’m no exception. In the past, I have put the blame everywhere but where it should have been. I know now, in a very different way than before, that I have to be responsible for my actions. I have to motivate myself to go to the gym. I have to stop myself from eating poorly or over-indulging. ME. Every time Bryan, the program director at Worldgate smiles and says how you doing – every time Carlton at Worldgate says nice to see you Nikki as I’m coming or going – every time Steve or Chris, my TNT trainers, say you can do it or push yourself just when I take an “unplanned” break in my workout (how do they always know LOL) – all serve as an extra push but I have to do it. There’s no way to get out of the work. No one else can do my homework for this – if they do they benefit not me! I have all the tools at my fingertips and then some but until I realized this fact I had hit a roadblock of sorts. Yeah I work hard when I go to TNT and I put in about 2 or 3 hard core cardio sessions a week but I’m still dialing it in. I really am. I know this. I know I can do better. I can eat better. I CAN write down what I eat everyday. I’m accountable to no one but myself and in this moment I get it… I felt alone in this journey before because I am alone. I am the only one who can do this and for the first time in my life that’s ok.
For years I made myself the victim of this. I told myself all these lies like I can’t do it because I’ve tried before or I don’t have the time because my life is too hectic or I can’t afford the tools I need or my big butt is in my family genes! All of it not true and certainly not excuse enough to give up. I’ve given up on myself so many times – putting myself in a weak state. I am strong! I’m strong physically and more and more everyday I’m strong emotionally. I just need to make this my new truth. We all need to create a new, more positive truth for ourselves. Our trainers, the people who work at our gyms, our significant others, our parents can be our extended support system but they can not do this for us. I will do this because the most important thing I can teach my son by example is that he can do anything because I can do anything.
After all of these epiphanies I thought to myself, how can I help some of the newbies in the gym. I remembered one of my experiences at Burke Lake. After the 3-Day Walk for Susan G. Komen, I committed to run my first 5K to benefit Boys & Girls Clubs. So instead of walking the five-mile loop at the lake I started to jog it. So one day I’m jogging and I’m going up a little hill and feeling it – probably looking beat down – and this total stranger who was fit as a fiddle, one of those people I envy when I’m out there working out, smiled at me and said keep going girl, you’re doing it. He didn’t say you can do it he said you ARE doing it. It made me feel like yeah look at me I AM doing it but more importantly someone I didn’t even know was rooting for me. That felt awesome. So, I’m going to do the same. I’m going to smile at people at the gym. I’m going to commiserate with people who look like they may be having a tough go at it and I’m going to say you go girl or you got this to people who are working hard and look beat down like I did that day. I’m going to reach out and be the community in the gym that I want my gym to be. I’m going to invest in myself and my environment. Because there is one more moral to this story… the more invested and tangled up I am in something the harder it is to get out! By golly I think I’ve got it! At least for today! Cya at the gym!
Nik
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
This is NOT text book!
There has been a new blog entry brewing in my head for a few weeks now. This is not that entry!
For those of you who know me, you know it’s not rare to find me in my chair catching up on Oprah eps on my DVR. Tonight I’m catching the episode in remembrance of Senator Ted Kennedy. As the Senator said himself in a letter he wrote to the Pope in the last weeks of his life, “I know that I’ve been an imperfect human-being, but with the help of my faith I have tried to right my path.” Now this super family, The Kennedy’s, generally inspires me when the spotlight is on them. But this series of family interviews has shed a different light: a light of humanness and with humanness comes imperfection. Whether you agree with their politics there is no denial that this group of people embodies something special. Such perseverance; such planning; such a desire for greatness; such optimism; such determination is not of text books.
Family members were asked to share their favorite memories of the Senator. His oldest son told a story of when he was a small boy, diagnosed with a cancer that took one of his legs. It was a snowy day, he was leaving the hospital with his dad, the Senator, and he was getting used to his new artificial leg. Senator Kennedy went in the garage and pulled out the radio flyer sled and asked his young son if he wanted to sled down their steep hill. So they tried and he couldn’t get it at first with this foreign leg of his. He looked at his dad, crying and said, “I can’t.” The Senator simply responded, “…we’re going to do this even if it takes all day. There is nothing you can’t do.” Wow! Now that’s a lesson! And how appropriate is the title of his memoirs, True Compass…definitely not a text book.
Then I realized, this battle between I can’t and I can has been at the center of my weight loss journey since I noticed I couldn’t cross my legs under my desk like the other girls in school. I have been able to accomplish so many things in life and have made it through so many journeys in life. I think that both of my parents instilled a great sense of ‘yes you can’ in me. That leaves me with the question, why not this? But even as I’m writing this I’m realizing that I don’t have to ask that question anymore. Why? Because I’m doing it. Right now I’m doing it. I’m not asking myself or anyone else anymore.
Senator Kennedy shared one of his favorite memories in a recent documentary about his life. It was the story of his grandson who had been struggling with school work and getting into a little bit of trouble. That summer he enrolled the 10- or 12-year-old in sailing lessons. Sailing ignited a spark in him. He was excited about learning and at the end of summer awards were given out. Senator Kennedy chuckled at the fact that it was hard to even hug his grandson because his chest was sticking out so far with pride! What was my spark? My son. The Breast Cancer 3-Day. The people who motivated me on the walk and inspired me through their own great accomplishments. All of the above and more. I finally chose the right path at the crossroads of I can’t and I can. And I’m proud of myself. Can you see my chest sticking out?
So I guess the other blog entry that’s been brewing will make its debut tomorrow maybe… soon I promise! Sweet dreams and goodnight.
For those of you who know me, you know it’s not rare to find me in my chair catching up on Oprah eps on my DVR. Tonight I’m catching the episode in remembrance of Senator Ted Kennedy. As the Senator said himself in a letter he wrote to the Pope in the last weeks of his life, “I know that I’ve been an imperfect human-being, but with the help of my faith I have tried to right my path.” Now this super family, The Kennedy’s, generally inspires me when the spotlight is on them. But this series of family interviews has shed a different light: a light of humanness and with humanness comes imperfection. Whether you agree with their politics there is no denial that this group of people embodies something special. Such perseverance; such planning; such a desire for greatness; such optimism; such determination is not of text books.
Family members were asked to share their favorite memories of the Senator. His oldest son told a story of when he was a small boy, diagnosed with a cancer that took one of his legs. It was a snowy day, he was leaving the hospital with his dad, the Senator, and he was getting used to his new artificial leg. Senator Kennedy went in the garage and pulled out the radio flyer sled and asked his young son if he wanted to sled down their steep hill. So they tried and he couldn’t get it at first with this foreign leg of his. He looked at his dad, crying and said, “I can’t.” The Senator simply responded, “…we’re going to do this even if it takes all day. There is nothing you can’t do.” Wow! Now that’s a lesson! And how appropriate is the title of his memoirs, True Compass…definitely not a text book.
Then I realized, this battle between I can’t and I can has been at the center of my weight loss journey since I noticed I couldn’t cross my legs under my desk like the other girls in school. I have been able to accomplish so many things in life and have made it through so many journeys in life. I think that both of my parents instilled a great sense of ‘yes you can’ in me. That leaves me with the question, why not this? But even as I’m writing this I’m realizing that I don’t have to ask that question anymore. Why? Because I’m doing it. Right now I’m doing it. I’m not asking myself or anyone else anymore.
Senator Kennedy shared one of his favorite memories in a recent documentary about his life. It was the story of his grandson who had been struggling with school work and getting into a little bit of trouble. That summer he enrolled the 10- or 12-year-old in sailing lessons. Sailing ignited a spark in him. He was excited about learning and at the end of summer awards were given out. Senator Kennedy chuckled at the fact that it was hard to even hug his grandson because his chest was sticking out so far with pride! What was my spark? My son. The Breast Cancer 3-Day. The people who motivated me on the walk and inspired me through their own great accomplishments. All of the above and more. I finally chose the right path at the crossroads of I can’t and I can. And I’m proud of myself. Can you see my chest sticking out?
So I guess the other blog entry that’s been brewing will make its debut tomorrow maybe… soon I promise! Sweet dreams and goodnight.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
That's Life
Happy New Year!
Well I didn't hit my goal of 241 but I did get to 243! I almost forgot that I had even set a goal until a friend and follower of my blog reminded me! Over the holidays... having NOT followed my own rules and "tips"... having only worked out twice... Ok so I'm not condoning my behavior but I did lose 5 pounds! How? The only thing I can think of is portion control and the muscles I'm breeding happen to be helping out!
But tonight there's something else on my mind.... Stress! So I'm not sure what's going on with my contract job - the one in which the contract is up in say MARCH. I'm up for a manager position, however, I have no idea if I'm going to get it. So do I torture myself with the excruciating pain of the job search or just believe that I will get the job? OR should I stop to consider, as Michael Baisden said today, "are you living your dream?"
No not really. But what is my dream? I don't know anymore. I want to have a really cool job, I want to own my own biz, I want to write a book, I want to be a great mom who spends tons of q-time with her kids, I want to travel, I want to write about travelling, I want to save and spend money, I want to buy a beach house, I want to run really fast and really far, we all know I want to be skinny, I want to .........aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I have no idea but I know I want to do a lot of shit but none of that fits into one dream. Am I supposed to have one concise, accessible dream? If I don't have one dream how am I supposed to work towards it? Hmmm see this is only stressful because I didn't win the lottery yesterday.
I'm stressed about my job. I wonder everyday when I fall asleep on my way to work why I'm driving all this way for a coordinator position that pays a considerable amount less than my previous positions. Dave is driving two hours for a job he loves at least - he's following his dream to build buildings. Ah the beauty in the simplicity of that. So why is my dream, or dreams rather so complicated? And why do I feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel running in place without money? After all, don't they say follow your dream and the money will come?
To add to the stress of figuring out what I want to do with my life, this year of unemployment is finally catching up with us financially and man when you're down it is HARD to get back up. I'm using a lot of energy keeping my spirits up, staying true to my faith and believing everything will be alright. So how do you follow your dreams, losing weight or otherwise, when you're worried about the bills or giving your son everything he needs or just finding the money to eat healthy, maintain a gym membership and other things that are necessary in this journey that I'm on? I don't know the answer but I know I just joined Sport & Health giving me access to all of the clubs eliminating the commute challenge and the childcare challenge because many of the clubs have kids clubs. And as of late, I've come to the conclusion that I need to find the extra money to continue TNT.
Last night I did TNT at 6:15pm followed by spin at 7pm. I only got to see my son for about 15 minutes yesterday but I got in the workout I needed to get me back on track. Man if I had all the tools at this point I truly believe the pounds would shed off. But I'm doing what I can and the pounds are coming off slowly but surely. And you know what? That's ok. So I guess in this outpouring of feelings my uplifting spirit, my unwavering faith and my belief that everything really is going to be ok, shine through.
The saying, "that's life," is taking on a whole new meaning to me right about now! Please share your thoughts and feelings. It's nice to know I'm not alone!
Nik
Well I didn't hit my goal of 241 but I did get to 243! I almost forgot that I had even set a goal until a friend and follower of my blog reminded me! Over the holidays... having NOT followed my own rules and "tips"... having only worked out twice... Ok so I'm not condoning my behavior but I did lose 5 pounds! How? The only thing I can think of is portion control and the muscles I'm breeding happen to be helping out!
But tonight there's something else on my mind.... Stress! So I'm not sure what's going on with my contract job - the one in which the contract is up in say MARCH. I'm up for a manager position, however, I have no idea if I'm going to get it. So do I torture myself with the excruciating pain of the job search or just believe that I will get the job? OR should I stop to consider, as Michael Baisden said today, "are you living your dream?"
No not really. But what is my dream? I don't know anymore. I want to have a really cool job, I want to own my own biz, I want to write a book, I want to be a great mom who spends tons of q-time with her kids, I want to travel, I want to write about travelling, I want to save and spend money, I want to buy a beach house, I want to run really fast and really far, we all know I want to be skinny, I want to .........aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I have no idea but I know I want to do a lot of shit but none of that fits into one dream. Am I supposed to have one concise, accessible dream? If I don't have one dream how am I supposed to work towards it? Hmmm see this is only stressful because I didn't win the lottery yesterday.
I'm stressed about my job. I wonder everyday when I fall asleep on my way to work why I'm driving all this way for a coordinator position that pays a considerable amount less than my previous positions. Dave is driving two hours for a job he loves at least - he's following his dream to build buildings. Ah the beauty in the simplicity of that. So why is my dream, or dreams rather so complicated? And why do I feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel running in place without money? After all, don't they say follow your dream and the money will come?
To add to the stress of figuring out what I want to do with my life, this year of unemployment is finally catching up with us financially and man when you're down it is HARD to get back up. I'm using a lot of energy keeping my spirits up, staying true to my faith and believing everything will be alright. So how do you follow your dreams, losing weight or otherwise, when you're worried about the bills or giving your son everything he needs or just finding the money to eat healthy, maintain a gym membership and other things that are necessary in this journey that I'm on? I don't know the answer but I know I just joined Sport & Health giving me access to all of the clubs eliminating the commute challenge and the childcare challenge because many of the clubs have kids clubs. And as of late, I've come to the conclusion that I need to find the extra money to continue TNT.
Last night I did TNT at 6:15pm followed by spin at 7pm. I only got to see my son for about 15 minutes yesterday but I got in the workout I needed to get me back on track. Man if I had all the tools at this point I truly believe the pounds would shed off. But I'm doing what I can and the pounds are coming off slowly but surely. And you know what? That's ok. So I guess in this outpouring of feelings my uplifting spirit, my unwavering faith and my belief that everything really is going to be ok, shine through.
The saying, "that's life," is taking on a whole new meaning to me right about now! Please share your thoughts and feelings. It's nice to know I'm not alone!
Nik
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