Good evening!
Its been a few days since my last entry. I apologize for the delay in sharing the hilarity that has been swirling in my brain for the past few days. So riddle me this... why oh why is every scale different? I mean it doesn't seem like rocket science, the weighing of a person that is. So why do I weigh one thing on Adam's scale (Adam is my trainer http://www.tntfitness.com/) and then something completely different at the doctor's office and yet another number at home? And further more why is the scale at the doctor's office the worst of them all? Is there like a secret scale code they have?
I debated back and forth about sharing the real numbers with all of you because I said to myself, "self don't you think that your followers want to see a few pounds dropped if they've stuck with you through the first two weeks?" But in the beginning I promised honesty so here goes. I weighed 251 on Adam's scale the last time he weighed us, which is the number I started the blog with. However, I went to the doctor and weighed a wapping 265. THEN at home I weighed 261. That's a 10 to 14 pound difference. As much as I'd love to go by Adam's scale and his crazy deduct pounds for clothing formula, its not honest. I have to face the scale weekly if I'm going to make this work. Since Adam doesn't weigh us every week and since I don't think anyone at the gym would think too highly of me stripping to my birthday suit I'm going to go by the home scale. Don't get too used to that 261 number though. I'm going to weigh in naked when I wake up after I go to the bathroom (a full bladder has a negative effect on the scale). Shit I may even brush my teeth first - what has anyone ever weighed plaque? I don't so much as a contact or a hair scrunchy adding weight to the scale!
Now I have to tell you.... don't be disappointed if I forget tomorrow. To me, the scale is like the monster under my bed or hiding in my closet. I have to make friends with it first OK.
On to another burning question. Do you think Weight Watchers or any other diet for that matter accounts for the time a woman spends on the Big P? If you don't know what I mean you're either too young to be reading this or hmmm a few eggs short of a dozen. Anyway, the cravings were out of control! I was forcing myself to do everything other than what I really wanted to do: crawl in bed with three of my favorite guys - Ben, Jerry and Chubby Hubby. But all of you should be proud of me because instead I found myself sweatin' it with Adam in the gym and counting chocolate chips! You'd be surprised how satisfying 10 chocolate chips can be. AND there are more chocolate chips in a tbsp. then one would expect. I went a little too far though when I tried to talk myself into believing that my sugar free double chocolate pudding was a warm, chewy, fudgy brownie. Yeah that didn't work! I settled for brownie batter though - it resembles it in flavor anyway.
I'll close tonight with this: I can't seem to get my cardio together since I finished the walk. I have a sprained ankle so I have to baby it somewhat. I did sign up to do a 5k in April and time's a ticking so if anyone has words of wisdom please comment.
Sleepy for now!
Sweet dreams everyone!
Nikki
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
BELIEVE!
Did you know that even the eye color of a schizophrenic person can change based on which personality they Believe themselves to be at the time? A Yale professor has studied the neurological responses of the body in people who are schizophrenic or have multiple personality disorders. He found that people with the disease Believe so strongly that they are that personality at that time, that eye color, facial markings, illnesses like diabetes, come and go as the patients fade in and out of each personality.
The power of Belief is that strong! A new friend of mine, who walked with me the third day of the breast cancer walk even though he didn't have to, started the walk with me by asking, "What's your goal today?" This guy, for all intensive purposes, had never met me before! We met maybe twice before that day. I responded as I generally did, taking it easy on myself, saying "well I just want to finish today BUT if I have to ride a few times (they had vans that would pick up people who needed a break and take them to the next pit stop) I won't be too hard on myself." Well isn't that a load of crap! At the time I didn't realize that I was giving myself an out! I didn't Believe I could finish. A couple hours later we were approaching a pit stop - we couldn't see it yet but knew we were getting close. My new friend looks me in the eye and says, "you know we're really close right?" And I said, "yeah I know." At that moment he looked at me again and said, "I know you know it but I don't feel as though you Believe it."
WOW! How did he know that? Just the night before, I said to my tent-mate that I had had my AHA moment earlier that day - you know the you gotta look in the mirror and make that change moment - but I didn't Believe it yet. This little word was popping up everywhere. And the reason I didn't Believe it was because I had tried so many times before and failed. I now realize I had failed before because I didn't BELIEVE I could do it.
So what changed? I'm actually sitting here as I type trying to think what changed??? You know it used to be I wanted to lose weight because I wanted to wear the hottest fashions. Sometimes it was because I wanted to please my Dad or my grandmother, both of whom never kept their disapproval about my weight as a child a secret. Sometimes it was because of this guy or that guy. Sometimes it was as simple as I want to be like everyone else (most of my friends now and back in the day are/were skinny). There were also the crusade years when I was like I'm going to beat this and I'm going to do it for myself blah blah blah. But now, I physically can't carry this weight anymore. All of the other reasons are still there I'm not going to lie. But accomplishing the walk made me BELIEVE in myself... BELIEVE that YES I CAN!
So back to my friend at the walk.... he had to work that afternoon so had to leave shortly after lunch. We had walked more than 1/2 of the miles we were to walk for the day and I was alive. I was feeling pain but I was alive! He looked me in the eye again and he said, "what are your goals for the day now?" I guess he knew that my entire frame of mind changed in the course of the day because my answer was completely different. I was going to finish whether I was going to be the last walker over the finish line or not. And I did! Now I had a little help from another teammate on the last leg! In fact, she said I'm walking with you and if you're walking I'm walking. We actually dipped into a local bar off Dupont Circle, slapped back a lemon drop shot and walked on!
So my friends the moral of the story is this: Believe in that which you can not see and eventually you'll see what you've been Believing in!
The power of Belief is that strong! A new friend of mine, who walked with me the third day of the breast cancer walk even though he didn't have to, started the walk with me by asking, "What's your goal today?" This guy, for all intensive purposes, had never met me before! We met maybe twice before that day. I responded as I generally did, taking it easy on myself, saying "well I just want to finish today BUT if I have to ride a few times (they had vans that would pick up people who needed a break and take them to the next pit stop) I won't be too hard on myself." Well isn't that a load of crap! At the time I didn't realize that I was giving myself an out! I didn't Believe I could finish. A couple hours later we were approaching a pit stop - we couldn't see it yet but knew we were getting close. My new friend looks me in the eye and says, "you know we're really close right?" And I said, "yeah I know." At that moment he looked at me again and said, "I know you know it but I don't feel as though you Believe it."
WOW! How did he know that? Just the night before, I said to my tent-mate that I had had my AHA moment earlier that day - you know the you gotta look in the mirror and make that change moment - but I didn't Believe it yet. This little word was popping up everywhere. And the reason I didn't Believe it was because I had tried so many times before and failed. I now realize I had failed before because I didn't BELIEVE I could do it.
So what changed? I'm actually sitting here as I type trying to think what changed??? You know it used to be I wanted to lose weight because I wanted to wear the hottest fashions. Sometimes it was because I wanted to please my Dad or my grandmother, both of whom never kept their disapproval about my weight as a child a secret. Sometimes it was because of this guy or that guy. Sometimes it was as simple as I want to be like everyone else (most of my friends now and back in the day are/were skinny). There were also the crusade years when I was like I'm going to beat this and I'm going to do it for myself blah blah blah. But now, I physically can't carry this weight anymore. All of the other reasons are still there I'm not going to lie. But accomplishing the walk made me BELIEVE in myself... BELIEVE that YES I CAN!
So back to my friend at the walk.... he had to work that afternoon so had to leave shortly after lunch. We had walked more than 1/2 of the miles we were to walk for the day and I was alive. I was feeling pain but I was alive! He looked me in the eye again and he said, "what are your goals for the day now?" I guess he knew that my entire frame of mind changed in the course of the day because my answer was completely different. I was going to finish whether I was going to be the last walker over the finish line or not. And I did! Now I had a little help from another teammate on the last leg! In fact, she said I'm walking with you and if you're walking I'm walking. We actually dipped into a local bar off Dupont Circle, slapped back a lemon drop shot and walked on!
So my friends the moral of the story is this: Believe in that which you can not see and eventually you'll see what you've been Believing in!
Monday, October 19, 2009
I DID IT! The Weekend Wrap-up
I did it!
I made it through the weekend, had two major dinners and a football Sunday and didn't go over my points! For those of you who don't know anything about Weight Watchers, its a plan that assigns a point value to every food based on calories, fat and fiber. I am allotted a certain number of points based on my age and weight and the fact that I'm a woman. Each day I have to stay within my daily allowance of points while getting in six glasses of water, five servings of fruits and veggies, two servings of calcium and two healthy oils. Every week you also get Flex Points which you can divide up throughout the weekend or bank until a special occasion which is what I did. And if you're active you get extra points for exercise. PS TNT is 9 POINTS!!!
I chose to bank my Flex Points for my father-in-law's birthday dinner on Friday and dinner following my son's Christening on Saturday. I didn't go overboard but I was able to eat a piece of cake on Friday and my all-time favorite dessert - a cannoli! But it is important to note that I really planned ahead by checking out the restaurant's online menu before going to the restaurant, making sacrifices like avoiding the snacks before dinner, ordering a garden salad w/oil and vinegar on the side instead of an appetizer, AND I said, "NO" when my husband asked me if I wanted to sample the birthday cake before dinner! This is major because my sister-in-law is a freakin' pastry chef - she goes through this process of trimming the layers of the cake so they are flat and level before she ices the cake. This is so much my favorite part that sometimes when she does special orders she saves the cake scraps for me and I use to eat them all! Sad but not anymore - I conquered it - I said no and that real piece of cake that I had planned for was so much better! I also made sure I had healthy snacks on-hand before both dinners so I wasn't ravenous when facing temptations.
Needless to say I'm proud of myself and the best part is I feel great. I don't feel deprived because of the Weight Watchers plan and....... my pants were a little loose this morning! I've been listening to Anthony Robbins, a motivational speaker, on cd in the car. He has a chapter in one of his books that talks about the Pleasure Pain Principle. He explains that everything we do is either to avoid pain or seek pleasure. He uses a great example: if you're procrastinating doing your taxes, it's because you are associating pain with taking the action of doing your taxes. But as you get closer to April 15th, something switches. You begin to associate more pain with the consequences of NOT doing your taxes. He goes on to say, if we can change what we associate pain to then we can seek pleasure in taking the action that was once perceived as painful. How does this pertain to my weight loss? Well, I always associated pain to dieting and I know its a lifestyle change yada yada but let's be real - its a DIET in the beginning. Now I'm associating pleasure to keeping a food journal, counting my points, working out, writing this blog and ultimately feeling better and looking better. It's making all the difference in the world.
Happy Monday to all and tune in later because I'll be posting again tonight with a fabulous entry about BELIEF! It's been brewing and is way healthier than a pot of coffee! - Nik :-)
I made it through the weekend, had two major dinners and a football Sunday and didn't go over my points! For those of you who don't know anything about Weight Watchers, its a plan that assigns a point value to every food based on calories, fat and fiber. I am allotted a certain number of points based on my age and weight and the fact that I'm a woman. Each day I have to stay within my daily allowance of points while getting in six glasses of water, five servings of fruits and veggies, two servings of calcium and two healthy oils. Every week you also get Flex Points which you can divide up throughout the weekend or bank until a special occasion which is what I did. And if you're active you get extra points for exercise. PS TNT is 9 POINTS!!!
I chose to bank my Flex Points for my father-in-law's birthday dinner on Friday and dinner following my son's Christening on Saturday. I didn't go overboard but I was able to eat a piece of cake on Friday and my all-time favorite dessert - a cannoli! But it is important to note that I really planned ahead by checking out the restaurant's online menu before going to the restaurant, making sacrifices like avoiding the snacks before dinner, ordering a garden salad w/oil and vinegar on the side instead of an appetizer, AND I said, "NO" when my husband asked me if I wanted to sample the birthday cake before dinner! This is major because my sister-in-law is a freakin' pastry chef - she goes through this process of trimming the layers of the cake so they are flat and level before she ices the cake. This is so much my favorite part that sometimes when she does special orders she saves the cake scraps for me and I use to eat them all! Sad but not anymore - I conquered it - I said no and that real piece of cake that I had planned for was so much better! I also made sure I had healthy snacks on-hand before both dinners so I wasn't ravenous when facing temptations.
Needless to say I'm proud of myself and the best part is I feel great. I don't feel deprived because of the Weight Watchers plan and....... my pants were a little loose this morning! I've been listening to Anthony Robbins, a motivational speaker, on cd in the car. He has a chapter in one of his books that talks about the Pleasure Pain Principle. He explains that everything we do is either to avoid pain or seek pleasure. He uses a great example: if you're procrastinating doing your taxes, it's because you are associating pain with taking the action of doing your taxes. But as you get closer to April 15th, something switches. You begin to associate more pain with the consequences of NOT doing your taxes. He goes on to say, if we can change what we associate pain to then we can seek pleasure in taking the action that was once perceived as painful. How does this pertain to my weight loss? Well, I always associated pain to dieting and I know its a lifestyle change yada yada but let's be real - its a DIET in the beginning. Now I'm associating pleasure to keeping a food journal, counting my points, working out, writing this blog and ultimately feeling better and looking better. It's making all the difference in the world.
Happy Monday to all and tune in later because I'll be posting again tonight with a fabulous entry about BELIEF! It's been brewing and is way healthier than a pot of coffee! - Nik :-)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Day 3 - Pretend Boston Cream Donuts!
When I told my walking partners about my AHA moment they both, separately, asked me, "what's your plan?" To my surprise I had a plan. I guess after all those Mondays of starting diets, and the South Beach and the Atkins and the Grapefruit and the Cabbage Soup DIETS (I know some of you know what I'm talking about), the path was clear. I had done Weight Watchers a long time ago and lost weight. I had joined again through meetings and online a few years later. This time I was contemplating Weight Watchers and possibly Jenny Craig because let's face it Valerie Bertonelli looks good! BUT a day or so later I said you know what - I'm not going to spend another dime on another DIET. I have the tools. Weight Watchers points system gives me the structure that I need to get started and the flexibility to eat the foods I love in moderation. So I dug out my old materials, books, journal, etc and got started.
I am on day three of Weight Watchers. I just finished a Yoplait Light - Boston Cream Pie flavor - you know like the commercials with the woman at the fridge talking about all the great sweets she has in the house and her husband is all excited until he sees she's talking about yogurt - well anyway, as I was eating it I was pretending it was a Boston Cream Doughnut. Not quite the same but still tasty and best of all only 2 points and one source of calcium for the day! Love the dual purpose foods.
Last night I conquered the grocery store hungry. I tried something new. I love to cook and try new things so I knew I was going to cook chicken. I started picking up veggies I've never tried before and new combinations of veggies. No recipes - just picked stuff up like bella mushrooms, bright lights fennel, zucchini and spinach. Tonight I'm going to put them all together and see what happens! I'll let you know. I also picked up some of my favorite snacks and had a great time writing the points values on everything when I got home. Did you know that Jell-o and Fiberful Fruit Leather have ZERO points!?! Sugar free pudding is only 1 point! I was so excited.
This morning I woke up after maybe two snoozes instead of six. I went downstairs and did yoga. I have a few yoga shows and a few cardio shows from Fit TV saved on my DVR for days when I don't feel like going out. After yoga with my cats by my side, I had one of my new favorite breakfasts - one cup of Smart Start cereal, 1/2 cup of cocoa crispies and one cup of 1% milk, with a 1/2 a banana. It was yummy over Good Morning America. Then my day started.
So far I've had a pretty good day. I am gearing up for two big dinners - one on Friday and one on Saturday - both including amazing food and even better sweets. So I'm banking my points and will keep things in perspective. PORTION CONTROL will be my friend. I will lean on it rather than the crutch that my cravings have become. And before every bite I will say... is this worth the points.... is this worth the points.... is this worth the points???
I am on day three of Weight Watchers. I just finished a Yoplait Light - Boston Cream Pie flavor - you know like the commercials with the woman at the fridge talking about all the great sweets she has in the house and her husband is all excited until he sees she's talking about yogurt - well anyway, as I was eating it I was pretending it was a Boston Cream Doughnut. Not quite the same but still tasty and best of all only 2 points and one source of calcium for the day! Love the dual purpose foods.
Last night I conquered the grocery store hungry. I tried something new. I love to cook and try new things so I knew I was going to cook chicken. I started picking up veggies I've never tried before and new combinations of veggies. No recipes - just picked stuff up like bella mushrooms, bright lights fennel, zucchini and spinach. Tonight I'm going to put them all together and see what happens! I'll let you know. I also picked up some of my favorite snacks and had a great time writing the points values on everything when I got home. Did you know that Jell-o and Fiberful Fruit Leather have ZERO points!?! Sugar free pudding is only 1 point! I was so excited.
This morning I woke up after maybe two snoozes instead of six. I went downstairs and did yoga. I have a few yoga shows and a few cardio shows from Fit TV saved on my DVR for days when I don't feel like going out. After yoga with my cats by my side, I had one of my new favorite breakfasts - one cup of Smart Start cereal, 1/2 cup of cocoa crispies and one cup of 1% milk, with a 1/2 a banana. It was yummy over Good Morning America. Then my day started.
So far I've had a pretty good day. I am gearing up for two big dinners - one on Friday and one on Saturday - both including amazing food and even better sweets. So I'm banking my points and will keep things in perspective. PORTION CONTROL will be my friend. I will lean on it rather than the crutch that my cravings have become. And before every bite I will say... is this worth the points.... is this worth the points.... is this worth the points???
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Day 2
A good friend said to me not long ago that you'll do it and it will be like you flipped the switch. It will just happen. This was after my AHA moment. It was the second day of the Breast Cancer 3Day walk. I was put on medical hold because my ankle, which I had sprained a couple of weeks before, had turned a pretty shade of blue. Since my other ankle wasn't naturally blue, my walking badge was replaced by a RED CARD in other words the scarlet letter preventing me from walking. I had lots of time that day to think and think and think some more. Even though the sprained ankle was not my fault, I was feeling very down about not being able to walk. At about 5pm I hopped over to the finish line at the entrance of the camp site, to cheer in my teammates when it came on - Michael Jackson's "Change." I was singing to the lyrics over tears that I just couldn't push back anymore - you gotta look in the mirror and make that change.
At that moment I knew I had to do something about my weight. I helped raise nearly $10,000 for the 3Day Walk and I still walked almost 40 miles on a bum ankle, but that walk gave me so much more than I could ever give the cause. It gave me perspective. The first day, I asked my walking buddy, who had lost quite a bit of weight and kept it off, "why does this hurt so much? I workout, although not crazy, I'm relatively healthy, yet women are passing me by looking like its a stroll in the park. Is it just because all of this extra weight I'm carrying around?" Without hesitation she simply said yes.
This conversation began my reflection. I have a 20-month old son who is full of energy and life. I'm a kid at heart myself full of energy and life, but I'm in this body that prohibits me to do a lot of things I want to do. My walking partner had just gone to trapeze school. I want to do that, but in asking her about the details I had to ask her if a person of my size could do it. I want to go to the beach and the pool and make splashing about with my son the focus rather than where can I drop my towel so I can jump in the water without being seen in my bathing suit. I want to shop somewhere other than Lane Bryant. I want to fly on a plane and go to an amusement park without thinking about whether I will fit in the seat.
My name is Nikki and I weigh 251 pounds. I carry around those 251 pounds on a 5'3" frame. This is the start of my journey. I will share all experiences and feelings raw and uncensored as I go through this transition because.... finally my Switch has been officially Flipped!
At that moment I knew I had to do something about my weight. I helped raise nearly $10,000 for the 3Day Walk and I still walked almost 40 miles on a bum ankle, but that walk gave me so much more than I could ever give the cause. It gave me perspective. The first day, I asked my walking buddy, who had lost quite a bit of weight and kept it off, "why does this hurt so much? I workout, although not crazy, I'm relatively healthy, yet women are passing me by looking like its a stroll in the park. Is it just because all of this extra weight I'm carrying around?" Without hesitation she simply said yes.
This conversation began my reflection. I have a 20-month old son who is full of energy and life. I'm a kid at heart myself full of energy and life, but I'm in this body that prohibits me to do a lot of things I want to do. My walking partner had just gone to trapeze school. I want to do that, but in asking her about the details I had to ask her if a person of my size could do it. I want to go to the beach and the pool and make splashing about with my son the focus rather than where can I drop my towel so I can jump in the water without being seen in my bathing suit. I want to shop somewhere other than Lane Bryant. I want to fly on a plane and go to an amusement park without thinking about whether I will fit in the seat.
My name is Nikki and I weigh 251 pounds. I carry around those 251 pounds on a 5'3" frame. This is the start of my journey. I will share all experiences and feelings raw and uncensored as I go through this transition because.... finally my Switch has been officially Flipped!
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