My 5 Pound Swagger

Greetings everyone!

The other day I was wearing this raspberry-colored jacket with ruffles and silver accents. My hair was looking nice - I straightened it that morning. I received two comments from absolute strangers. One woman was passing me as I was getting on the elevator at work and said that's a really nice color on you. I thanked her, appreciated the complement and went about my day not really thinking much of it. I had worn that jacket before a few times and not received the same attention. The second complement came from a woman passing me on the street as I was walking with a coworker to Starbucks. She said, "I saw you across the street and you just look beautiful. That color is gorgeous on you." A little odd and totally random but nice right? So what changed?

I lost five pounds last week. That's a total of nine pounds since I've started my journey about six weeks ago. It wasn't the fact that I lost the five pounds. It was the confidence that I can do this. It was the confidence that I had pulled a big number in one week and that I was one pound shy of double digits. It was the way I felt in my clothes and the fact that already I'm feeling healthier. It was my Five Pound Swagger! That's why I was noticed. I had a bounce in my step and a glow of happiness.

These past two weeks have not been all peaches and plums over here! Let's talk about the fact that until yesterday I hadn't written down any of my points since last Thursday. I am still upset with myself but nothing like the last time when I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I also had a moment of weakness yesterday with Tommy's Halloween candy. I ate like three mini packs of M&Ms, a mini Twix, a mini Butter Finger and a mini Crunch Bar. It was a chocolate fest. I enjoyed every second of it and then it was over. The craving hasn't returned today. Today I'm fine. I counted the points and have moved on and better yet I ate healthy the rest of the day, which is unlike me in my past life. Normally I would have thrown the whole day out the window. So in a sense I can even be proud of myself in a storm of chocolate.

Anyone interested in a cardio update? Well I haven't been doing great. I got out to walk/jog this past Sunday but I haven't even gone to TNT this week. Yesterday I didn't feel like it but failed to realize that today I'm on pick-up duty for my son and tomorrow we have an event. No TNT until Saturday and hopefully I'll get a long walk/jog in there sometime since the weather is to be so nice.

Guess we'll see what the scales say later this week. Anyone want to take a bet of how much I lose? Send me your guess in your comments!

Until then...
Nik

I have found the ANTI-DRUG!

Saturday Morning:

I first woke up at about 6:30. The sun was coming up and the sky looked like rainbow ice cream. It was cold but I knew it was going to be a beautiful fall day. Still I went back to sleep! I woke again a little before 9, and although I could have slept a few more hours, I crawled out of bed, blinked a few times and got going. Things looked and felt clear. I had made plans to do a loop at Burke Lake with one of my best friends. It would be the first of my training run/walks for the 5k that I registered for in April. We parked near the playground and I said, "Ok this is how I see this. I want to walk to warm up and then run to one song and see how it goes."

We got to the first break in the path about a mile in (Burke Lake is approximately a 5 mile loop), stretched and found our fight songs. Mine was some fast JLo dance tune - no need to make fun - its a good workout tune! I made it through the song no problem and ran a little more. We walked some more and after that I intermittently walked and ran through three more songs. Then I was like let's run through two songs. The first song was Black Eyed Peas' Where Is The Love followed by Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Hawaii rendition. Two songs - I did it! Then before you know I was running to three songs, my summer song Someone Like You by Kings of Leon, Sing a Song by Earth, Wind & Fire, and Rock and Roll by Eric Hutchinson.

I moved a total of seven miles today, over 18,000 steps, over 11,000 of which were aerobic and get this I can still move! I feel great! I truly enjoyed the walk/run even though my run was more like a jog. I think my friend was actually able to walk faster than I was jogging but that's ok. I could care less how long it takes me. This first 5k is about running and finishing for me. I can work on the speed after my first 5k.

My point is this. When I was thinking about my next entry and the title, I kept coming back to Gateway Drugs. See on Friday night all I wanted to do was eat. I wasn't hungry. I just had a bad case of the munchies. We went to Moe's for dinner. I got a burrito bowl, no rice, just chicken, the beans and lots of veggies, some cheese, about a table spoon of quac and the same of sour cream. Not bad right? Well then I had some chips and salsa, and the leftover pieces of Tommy's cheese quesadilla. Then I had hot chocolate and a sweet n' salty Nature Valley peanut bar. I ended up using all of my extra points for the week on Friday. For me Moe's burrito bowl was the gateway drug. I felt like I was spiraling out of control with just one meal. I knew in the back of my mind that I was going walking/running the next day but still I wanted to save those extra points for Saturday night and football Sunday. Friday night an all too familiar feeling came back to me... the feeling that I couldn't stop eating and that the next day would be the same. I almost panicked.

But the next day, as I was jogging to my music, I could still hear the crunch of the fallen leaves under my feet. Sun was beaming down through the barren trees and I looked out onto a glassy lake. Sparkles danced on the ripples as the wind took my breath away. Everything was glowing orange and the air was crisp. It was beautiful. I chose health that morning. I chose to start on a journey to accomplish something I've never accomplished before. There was a moment when it clicked - I had found and taken the anti-drug!

After our walk/run we went to Starbucks. I got a two-pump skim mocha, found a seat outside in the sun, propped my feet up and enjoyed a well-deserved treat.We talked until my husband and son arrived to join us for a healthy lunch at Jason's Deli. I had the salad bar and a sandwich from their light menu. It was delicious - their salad bar is chocked full of fresh, organic vegetables, dressings and toppings. But I must warn you if you go, beware of the crack muffins at the end of the bar. They make these amazing mini gingerbread and cornbread muffins. They are deadly!

So my Saturday was not a repeat of Friday night. I now know that today does not have to be a repeat of yesterday unless you want it to be. I can choose to make healthy decisions at every turn. There is tremendous new-found freedom in this realization. Have a great week everyone! -- Nikki    

Break a Sweat

I don't want the gentleman who so eloquently put it on Facebook, "update your shit hommie," to think I'm only updating because of him... :-)

I was planning a new post this evening regardless. Tonight I want to talk about winning a battle with discouragement. This morning I weighed in at 258 on my home scale. If you recall from a previous post that I had decided to go with the home scale starting number 261. Ok so I've lost three pounds but dude I'm starting my fourth week. When I did weight watchers before I lost more than that in the first week and lost a steady one to two pounds every week thereafter and I wasn't even working out. As my husband gently reminds me, that was oh say 10 years ago.

So I'm fat AND old! That's how I was feeling this morning anyway. I felt so discouraged this morning by a number! Immediately following the moment of truth I walked over to my closet, all the while talking to my husband about how I was trying to overcome these overwhelming feelings of defeat. I put on my clothes and I realized, I feel great in my clothes. All of my pants are fitting better and I feel lighter on my feet. So should I focus on this rather than the number on the scale?

I should be ok with the loss of three pounds. I should feel great about the way I'm feeling in my clothes. But you know what? I'm not going to lie. It feels like crap.

What am I going to do with this feeling of crap? I'm going to fight it. I'm going to TNT tomorrow and going to work my butt off. I'm going to continue to follow my points system. I'm going to attempt to do some freakin' cardio this week. I'm just going to do better that's all. Keep on swimming as Dorie would say. This leads me to another great topic...

Why the heck can't I get my butt in the gym to do more cardio? I don't get it! I feel great after a good cardio workout. I know its good for me. I know it will help me take the weight off faster. I just don't get why I get caught in this I'm home and not going back out vortex as soon as I come home. I'm always envious of those people who appear to enjoy their workouts at the gym so much so that it seems they would die without it when I come in there feeling like I'm going to die just getting through it! Why didn't I get the skinny gene and the ra ra I want to workout gene? So as I change my attitude about the number, my goal is to change my attitude about the cardio.

The comments that I've been receiving are so welcome! They have honestly been helping me get through. Keep them coming and by all means if you have any suggestions about tricking my brain into thinking that an hour on the treadmill is just as enjoyable as say.... eating a triple layer of chocolate fudge cake bring it on!

Until next time.... BREAK A SWEAT!
Nik

Scales & Chocolate Chips

Good evening!

Its been a few days since my last entry. I apologize for the delay in sharing the hilarity that has been swirling in my brain for the past few days. So riddle me this... why oh why is every scale different? I mean it doesn't seem like rocket science, the weighing of a person that is. So why do I weigh one thing on Adam's scale (Adam is my trainer http://www.tntfitness.com/) and then something completely different at the doctor's office and yet another number at home? And further more why is the scale at the doctor's office the worst of them all? Is there like a secret scale code they have?

I debated back and forth about sharing the real numbers with all of you because I said to myself, "self don't you think that your followers want to see a few pounds dropped if they've stuck with you through the first two weeks?" But in the beginning I promised honesty so here goes. I weighed 251 on Adam's scale the last time he weighed us, which is the number I started the blog with. However, I went to the doctor and weighed a wapping 265. THEN at home I weighed 261. That's a 10 to 14 pound difference. As much as I'd love to go by Adam's scale and his crazy deduct pounds for clothing formula, its not honest. I have to face the scale weekly if I'm going to make this work. Since Adam doesn't weigh us every week and since I don't think anyone at the gym would think too highly of me stripping to my birthday suit I'm going to go by the home scale. Don't get too used to that 261 number though. I'm going to weigh in naked when I wake up after I go to the bathroom (a full bladder has a negative effect on the scale). Shit I may even brush my teeth first - what has anyone ever weighed plaque? I don't so much as a contact or a hair scrunchy adding weight to the scale!

Now I have to tell you.... don't be disappointed if I forget tomorrow. To me, the scale is like the monster under my bed or hiding in my closet. I have to make friends with it first OK.

On to another burning question. Do you think Weight Watchers or any other diet for that matter accounts for the time a woman spends on the Big P? If you don't know what I mean you're either too young to be reading this or hmmm a few eggs short of a dozen. Anyway, the cravings were out of control! I was forcing myself to do everything other than what I really wanted to do: crawl in bed with three of my favorite guys - Ben, Jerry and Chubby Hubby. But all of you should be proud of me because instead I found myself sweatin' it with Adam in the gym and counting chocolate chips! You'd be surprised how satisfying 10 chocolate chips can be. AND there are more chocolate chips in a tbsp. then one would expect. I went a little too far though when I tried to talk myself into believing that my sugar free double chocolate pudding was a warm, chewy, fudgy brownie. Yeah that didn't work! I settled for brownie batter though - it resembles it in flavor anyway.

I'll close tonight with this: I can't seem to get my cardio together since I finished the walk. I have a sprained ankle so I have to baby it somewhat. I did sign up to do a 5k in April and time's a ticking so if anyone has words of wisdom please comment.

Sleepy for now!
Sweet dreams everyone!
Nikki

BELIEVE!

Did you know that even the eye color of a schizophrenic person can change based on which personality they Believe themselves to be at the time? A Yale professor has studied the neurological responses of the body in people who are schizophrenic or have multiple personality disorders. He found that people with the disease Believe so strongly that they are that personality at that time, that eye color, facial markings, illnesses like diabetes, come and go as the patients fade in and out of each personality.

The power of Belief is that strong! A new friend of mine, who walked with me the third day of the breast cancer walk even though he didn't have to, started the walk with me by asking, "What's your goal today?" This guy, for all intensive purposes, had never met me before! We met maybe twice before that day. I responded as I generally did, taking it easy on myself, saying "well I just want to finish today BUT if I have to ride a few times (they had vans that would pick up people who needed a break and take them to the next pit stop) I won't be too hard on myself." Well isn't that a load of crap! At the time I didn't realize that I was giving myself an out! I didn't Believe I could finish. A couple hours later we were approaching a pit stop - we couldn't see it yet but knew we were getting close. My new friend looks me in the eye and says, "you know we're really close right?" And I said, "yeah I know." At that moment he looked at me again and said, "I know you know it but I don't feel as though you Believe it."

WOW! How did he know that? Just the night before, I said to my tent-mate that I had had my AHA moment earlier that day - you know the you gotta look in the mirror and make that change moment - but I didn't Believe it yet. This little word was popping up everywhere. And the reason I didn't Believe it was because I had tried so many times before and failed. I now realize I had failed before because I didn't BELIEVE I could do it.

So what changed? I'm actually sitting here as I type trying to think what changed??? You know it used to be I wanted to lose weight because I wanted to wear the hottest fashions. Sometimes it was because I wanted to please my Dad or my grandmother, both of whom never kept their disapproval about my weight as a child a secret. Sometimes it was because of this guy or that guy. Sometimes it was as simple as I want to be like everyone else (most of my friends now and back in the day are/were skinny). There were also the crusade years when I was like I'm going to beat this and I'm going to do it for myself blah blah blah. But now, I physically can't carry this weight anymore. All of the other reasons are still there I'm not going to lie. But accomplishing the walk made me BELIEVE in myself... BELIEVE that YES I CAN!

So back to my friend at the walk.... he had to work that afternoon so had to leave shortly after lunch. We had walked more than 1/2 of the miles we were to walk for the day and I was alive. I was feeling pain but I was alive! He looked me in the eye again and he said, "what are your goals for the day now?" I guess he knew that my entire frame of mind changed in the course of the day because my answer was completely different. I was going to finish whether I was going to be the last walker over the finish line or not. And I did! Now I had a little help from another teammate on the last leg! In fact, she said I'm walking with you and if you're walking I'm walking. We actually dipped into a local bar off Dupont Circle, slapped back a lemon drop shot and walked on!

So my friends the moral of the story is this: Believe in that which you can not see and eventually you'll see what you've been Believing in!

I DID IT! The Weekend Wrap-up

I did it!

I made it through the weekend, had two major dinners and a football Sunday and didn't go over my points! For those of you who don't know anything about Weight Watchers, its a plan that assigns a point value to every food based on calories, fat and fiber. I am allotted a certain number of points based on my age and weight and the fact that I'm a woman. Each day I have to stay within my daily allowance of points while getting in six glasses of water, five servings of fruits and veggies, two servings of calcium and two healthy oils. Every week you also get Flex Points which you can divide up throughout the weekend or bank until a special occasion which is what I did. And if you're active you get extra points for exercise. PS TNT is 9 POINTS!!!

I chose to bank my Flex Points for my father-in-law's birthday dinner on Friday and dinner following my son's Christening on Saturday. I didn't go overboard but I was able to eat a piece of cake on Friday and my all-time favorite dessert - a cannoli! But it is important to note that I really planned ahead by checking out the restaurant's online menu before going to the restaurant, making sacrifices like avoiding the snacks before dinner, ordering a garden salad w/oil and vinegar on the side instead of an appetizer, AND I said, "NO" when my husband asked me if I wanted to sample the birthday cake before dinner! This is major because my sister-in-law is a freakin' pastry chef - she goes through this process of trimming the layers of the cake so they are flat and level before she ices the cake. This is so much my favorite part that sometimes when she does special orders she saves the cake scraps for me and I use to eat them all! Sad but not anymore - I conquered it - I said no and that real piece of cake that I had planned for was so much better! I also made sure I had healthy snacks on-hand before both dinners so I wasn't ravenous when facing temptations.

Needless to say I'm proud of myself and the best part is I feel great. I don't feel deprived because of the Weight Watchers plan and....... my pants were a little loose this morning! I've been listening to Anthony Robbins, a motivational speaker, on cd in the car. He has a chapter in one of his books that talks about the Pleasure Pain Principle. He explains that everything we do is either to avoid pain or seek pleasure. He uses a great example: if you're procrastinating doing your taxes, it's because you are associating pain with taking the action of doing your taxes. But as you get closer to April 15th, something switches. You begin to associate more pain with the consequences of NOT doing your taxes. He goes on to say, if we can change what we associate pain to then we can seek pleasure in taking the action that was once perceived as painful. How does this pertain to my weight loss? Well, I always associated pain to dieting and I know its a lifestyle change yada yada but let's be real - its a DIET in the beginning. Now I'm associating pleasure to keeping a food journal, counting my points, working out, writing this blog and ultimately feeling better and looking better. It's making all the difference in the world.

Happy Monday to all and tune in later because I'll be posting again tonight with a fabulous entry about BELIEF! It's been brewing and is way healthier than a pot of coffee! - Nik :-)

Before photos!